this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
665 points (93.1% liked)
Witches VS Patriarchy
636 readers
188 users here now
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
"name five of their songs" questions person A's (the one wearing the band t-shirt) knowledge of the band.
"name five women who trust you" questions person B's (the one who asked the 1st question) relationships with women in their life.
therefore "name five women who trust you" is much more loaded than "name five of their songs", making it a response that is, perhaps, too rude and unnecessary. although, assuming person B asked person A to name the songs unprompted (this is probably what usually happens), this could be an appropriate counter-question as sometimes a ruder response is necessary when dealing with annoying people.
People who have only just met me typically ask if I have kids (even though they rarely ask my husband the same question). And when I say that I don't, 80% of those people think that "Why not?" is an appropriate follow-up. And about half of them will go on about how having kids is great and I should really do it and that someday I'll change my mind.
Now, I made a choice not to have kids. It's not a difficult subject for me, even though it's annoying to have strangers insinuate that I don't know myself well enough to make that decision. But I have several loved ones who have suffered miscarriages and fertility issues, and I know that they feel really uncomfortable answering that question.
So right around the time I turned 35, my standard response became, " You know, when a woman gets to be a certain age and she doesn't have kids, there's usually a reason, and she usually doesn't want to discuss it with strangers."
That usually stops those people in their tracks. And I hope it has stopped at least one of them from asking a really invasive question to a person who's overly sensitive about the fact that they can't have kids.
All that to say that humoring someone and naming the five songs (or saying that you can't) out of politeness just reiterates that they were correct to act as a gatekeeper. Pointing out how rude the question is might actually change their behavior in the future.
To be fair, you actually don't know if you'd be happier with kids since you don't, you know, have any kids.
And now imagine you do have kids and actually know that you were happier before ....
Thats a bummer. You should get out of there, kids can tell when a parent doesnt want them.
Don't worry, this was just hypothetical. I actually love my kids.
I approve this emotional roller coaster, it had a good ending!
For having this mindset, you deserve all the good things in life
Its always fucking unprompted
I had it happen once with Eluveitie. Fuck me for not remembering song names in ancient Gaulish I guess.