this post was submitted on 31 May 2025
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that's anxiety, not ADHD
People with ADHD often tend to have more anxiety than “normal” people.
No, just because you have anxiety doesn’t mean you have ADHD. Nobody is trying to make this argument.
Try living a life where you remember far too late, and it happens far too often, that (something) needed to be done. Here you are having a regular day and the phone rings or a text message pops up and (insert “oh shit” here: missed your appointment, forgot you were working today, missed a class final or major assignment, a late bill, missed a deadline, etc.) because your ADHD spaced it out completely. And it spaced out putting the pop ip reminder in your phone. Or of you put it in, your dumb ass silenced the phone. Or you didn’t remember to make it an audible notification and hour beforehand. Or any number of opportunities you had to put barriers up between yourself and a fuckup that you just never did, or sabotaged yourself somehow, because ADHD. After years of getting painful or costly reminders of your fuckups you tend to get a ptsd-like anxiety where you will be just being alive and suddenly get anxiety because you remember the last time you were having a good time something jumped out and reminded you that you forgot it and fucked up, and you’re sitting there wondering what you fucked up even if you didn’t fuck up just because you know that last time you were happy you fucked something up by forgetting. And it was too late to fix that thing, so you were incredibly stressed wondering how you’re going to unfuck it, if you even can.
That’s anxiety from ADHD. That’s when ADHD is a real thing that negatively impacts your life. No, not just an “everyone gets stressed if they forget”, it’s you knowing you’re going to forget, trying to remember to not forget, forgetting all of that, then paying the price for forgetting over and over again.
THIS. How come we constantly find ourselves messing up things where the only practical solution would be simply time traveling to not having done it?
I'm kinda sick of it at this point, either give me a way to fix it, or the slack I give everybody else. If nobody was mortally threatened by my mistake, it's not worth endlessly rattling on or yelling about.
I HATE disappointing people but I'm going to, and sadly statistically at a higher rate than others. Forgive me and move on, or I'll forgive myself and do the same.
It honestly kinda crushes me but I've found myself candidly and sincerely saying things like:
"No I don't wanna go to / do that fun-sounding thing unless I've literally got the whole day for it, because whenever I have too much fun I end up in some kind of trouble where I totally forgot something important or I had some place to be or something, so nah."
I really do wish I could turn to whimsy or serendipity more often, but I'm just expecting to suddenly look at my phone and see missed calls and texts like "Are you almost here?" or "WHERE ARE YOU!?" or something of the like...
I'm even aware this seems like irrational anxiety but boy have I been burned before...
Thank you for writing this out.
Oftentimes I'll venture to the local junkyard for car parts, usually with a couple specific parts in mind, find that the cars related to my model don't have said parts (because someone else already got to it, or it's wrecked in that location, etc), so I'll snag a few other parts that appear useful.
Almost every time, I'll get halfway home and remember that the part/s I was initially looking for (engine bits, buttons, etc) aren't specific to my car model, and then realize that I walked past at least two rows full of "other" cars that had those parts available. But I can't go back because my wife and kids are expecting me because I already told them I was heading out and now we have plans, etc etc...
Yep. The irritation and frustration is real. It’s maddening that the times you do remember it’s often immediately after and too late to correct. Like remembering to take your grocery bags to the store. After you’re already halfway to the store.
I rely heavily on to-do lists, calendar entries, and reminders. Without it, I would go insane. Growing up, my mom carried a full-blown day planner everywhere she went, and as I got older, I realized how beneficial it was. These days all my day planning stuff is on my phone, but a pen and paper planner is perfectly acceptable, too.
Google keep. That yellow thing. Take notes constantly. SO useful. And voice to text. Wow
This is the way.
Don't forget the little things, like relationships.
My wife (after nearly 10 years) is beginning to work with me on things.
I've told her countless times that if she just gives me a verbal list of tasks, I'll handle one, maybe two if they're small, and the rest is gone.
Text me. Email me. Write it down. Let me reference it later. I'm not trying to get out of I honestly got distracted and forgot. Why was I distracted? Well, there are 11 animals in this house, not to mention phones and computers and TVs and yeah.... Plus, any time I try to accomplish anything, she tries to add more to the list (verbally) and it fucks me all up.
A list. Simple, succinct. If I run out of shit to do, I'll let ya know.
Its hard some days.
I've literally gone out to a corner store to pick up wine for later, and had her text me adding crap, and I never wound up getting the wine. Totally forgot.
That was why I left the house in the first place. It was the only place I had planned to go!
Oh, damn the “just a few things from the store.”
Go with 1-2 things in mind, wind ip coming home with 15, minus one of the things you actually needed. Meanwhile you entered the store repeating to yourself what you needed and still screwed it up. Why not write it down? Because this time I’ll remember. If you even have the thought to write it down occur to you.
Eh, my whole family is adhd. It’s not the forgetting things that bothers me as much as the failure to put up all available reminders. We know we’re gonna forget. So put the reminder in the calendar app with a notification! Nope. Just another fuckup waiting to bite you in the ass the day after when you suddenly remember it for no fucking reason at all.
Yes, I don't have adhd but for a long time at work I felt like this. Mix of anxiety and imposter syndrome I think
Most people with ADHD also experience emotion regulation issues, so it is easy for them to also be diagnosed with anxiety disorders