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How should I refer to a transgender person that I only knew before their transition? (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Okay, writing the title I feel like the answer is obvious but bear with me.

Growing up, I had a male friend for 10+ years. We fell out of touch, and 5 years later I discovered that they transitioned and they now go by a different name.

Of course I'm happy for her now, but I'm not sure how to refer to her in the context of our friendship. For example, bringing up an old story to my family. Suppose her deadname is Sam and she is now called Sarah.

Should I say, Sarah and I used to...

Or Sam and I used to...

I never knew her after her transition, but I suppose she was always a her?

I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just ignorant :)

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 day ago

For me, I'd prefer my deadname to never be used ever again even in relating a story prior to my transition. If you know her as Sarah now and she had similar feelings about her deadname, I'd say stick with "Sarah and I used to..."

The only exception is if she were still closeted or something. There was a middle period was I was out socially except my family and my poor mother had to deal with that weird double thing where she'd refer to me by my deadname to family and my preferred name everywhere else. Presumably now that you know, she is out and comfortable with everyone knowing