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How should I refer to a transgender person that I only knew before their transition? (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Okay, writing the title I feel like the answer is obvious but bear with me.

Growing up, I had a male friend for 10+ years. We fell out of touch, and 5 years later I discovered that they transitioned and they now go by a different name.

Of course I'm happy for her now, but I'm not sure how to refer to her in the context of our friendship. For example, bringing up an old story to my family. Suppose her deadname is Sam and she is now called Sarah.

Should I say, Sarah and I used to...

Or Sam and I used to...

I never knew her after her transition, but I suppose she was always a her?

I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just ignorant :)

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 day ago

This is one I've heard varying opinions on. I'd default to her preferred name, but some trans people are fine with being called their dead name in those types of contexts (stories about before their transition) However if you're not close enough to her to be able to ask that question, I'd default to her chosen name