this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
35 points (97.3% liked)

neurodiverse

1854 readers
1 users here now

What is Neurodivergence?

It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc

“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”

So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned


Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven't personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you're ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another's, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who's experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm'd.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don't be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
 

So a few weeks ago i had a bout with a close friend of mine (autistic nb) who lashed at me because i wasn't supportive enough when they had a rough patch. I agree with this assessment mostly but pointed out to them that as im autistic i couldnt read the room and i was shut down that this is exactly a lot of autistic man's way to make excuses for not putting in any effort to improve their communication.

After that i did a bit of self exploration and i did recognize that i do actually have problems with this (though with reservations that aren't relevant here) and i feel like while most things i am completely able to communicate assertively and even proactively and have been praised for my emotional intelligence multiple times but this communication thing to me still feels like i am just playing cards in my head and my deck is completely unprepared for this scenario - someone going through it and needing support.

So does anyone have any resources (books/articles/anything i can read mostly cause im not a video person) i can start on this?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Honestly, your friend's response frustrates me. Being autistic and having difficulty understanding social situations is not just some excuse, it's literally part of being autistic. Sure, work on it all you want, but if you're autistic there will never be a point in your life where you can intuitively know a person is feeling some type of way. You might be able to tell something is different, but knowing what is actually going on is much more difficult (it's difficult for everyone, but so much worse for autistic people)

Your friend might as well be telling you to learn how to fly. The best you can do is notice there is some change in their behavior and ask what's up. There are some obvious indicators like crying, but even that can be an expression of various emotions. You can try to understand the context, but most likely the things you think are important aren't even relevant.

The real solution here is when your friend needs more support, they should ask for it. They shouldn't lash out at you after the fact, they should ask. If they can't do that because their autism gets in the way, then they should understand that you also have trouble recognizing their distress if they can't even express it clearly.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, should clear that up, they explicitly asked for help and described what's the problem, and THEN i froze and didn't really communicate the fact well (+they apologised later for being harsh)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Yeah, that changes things. I still don't think they should suggest you're using autism as an excuse to avoid improving communication. It just feels wrong to criticize you for something that is intrinsic to autism and then say it's an excuse when you point that out.

If someone did that to me I would probably have a fucking meltdown right then lol