this post was submitted on 19 May 2025
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

I'm not about to @ people for having kids, but I have to say that in my experience, the whole idea is nothing but a conceit. People want kids for bad reasons. There's really no sensible reason to have a child in the human world. Fine, go have kids, but don't come back years later upset your kid is rebelling or not following your beliefs or doing bad things or not following in your footsteps or listening to your advice or whatever the fuck. You basically played a slot machine with no jackpot.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Do people often blame you for their kids doing those things?

People might tell you about it because... you know... maybe they think you're a friend or maybe they're just venting or maybe they're making small talk.

Parents often make the mistake of thinking everyone understands what it's like. They're trying to find common ground by sharing those struggles.

If you don't like it, just channel the conversation to something you do like. That said, sometimes it's just good to let people vent. People like talking about their kids, and it's a sneaky way to ingratiate yourself to them.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Think of it more like someone complaining that they lost money on crypto trading.

It's very Billy Crystal SNL "oh I hate when that happens"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 hours ago

Sure ok.

Of course its fine to dislike engaging with someone who complains about crypto or kids, but making a judgement on someone's reasoning for having kids is a whole other thing.

Having kids doesn't stack up for you. Totally fine.

However, asserting that your own reasons apply to everyone else is arrogant.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Jesus Christ what a depressing take.

I have two kids, and I had them so that I could raise good, caring people to continue society, and because I enjoy being able to nurture them to reach whatever goals they want.

I want my kids to rebel. I want my kids to think for themselves. I'm an atheist, and my kid wanted to learn about Christianity, so I took them to church. I don't need my kid to "follow in my footsteps," I want them to do whatever they find fulfilling.

The best part of parenting is not knowing what to expect and watching what they'll grow into. You're right, to a degree, about the slot machine, but you're wrong about there being no jackpot.

But if you get no enjoyment from that, by all means, don't have kids. In fact, if you're on the fence or unsure, don't have kids. The default should absolutely be no kids unless you're really sure that's what you want.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

If you think most people who have kids have that expectation, you're lucky.

What if your kid ends up not growing into anything? Becoming a neckbeard on fortnite and minecraft all day?

What if your kid has three kids before she's 21 and keeps ending up with deadbeat guys and living in seedy apartments and living off SNAP?

I want them to do whatever they find fulfilling

And if they dont?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 hours ago

Guy these things are just part of the rich tapestry of life.

I'm certain that many of my and your ancestors were the contemporary equivalent of fortnight neckbeards.

I don't need my kids to win parenthood for me.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 20 hours ago

Just because you struggle to have a normal relationship, doesnt mean we all can't.