Relationship Advice
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The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
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1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
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Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
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Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
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As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
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For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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Related communities:
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Adulting: [email protected]
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No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
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Mental Health [email protected]
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Guy chiming in but
Gut reaction says yellow flag, pull him aside tell them the behavior is not acceptable as warning and that a second incident will be cause for a ban from all club activities.
Gut also says, defer to the lady mods if they have a preferred method of handling it.
They expressed a concern that a warning means that it's ok to sexually harass members once, but not twice.
Without knowing your ruleset, I can see two ways of handling it.
Situation one, the rules did not call it out. If this is the case, it feels a little (like 5% if you can quantify feelings) bad to immediately ban someone for violating a non-exist rule. Particularly if it could have been an accident.
Situation two, the rules called it out. It could be worth talking with both people separately to determine intent. If it seems that the harassment was intentional, bannable offense. If it seems like he was not trying to harass her, strict talking to with a strike. Accidents do happen and a nuke option for an accident could lose a loss of other members out of fear.
that's why both parties must be interviewed separately of course. That will give you both perspectives allowing for an informed decision to be made.
For this specific situation I would say 2 is sufficient if it's clearly an accident according to both parties. 1 is sufficient if it seems to be intentional based on review.
that's why I addressed if the rule was stated. If it's not there, you'll need to weigh in on the situation and make the judgment call. Then the rules have to be addressed to show the club's stance on the matter and the consequences. After that, whatever consequences are stated by the rule are how each incident is handled no exceptions.
Up to you and the mod staff, but were I a mod I'm aware of no situation in which a racial slur is used as an actual prank. To drive home a point though, I am very well aware of situations where I've make a joke that didn't land well. I intended it to be funny, but it came across as weird and creepy. I apologized and it was an accident. Fortunately, that was taken into account when the situation was reviewed.
And that's where this conversation stops.
I don't need you guessing my age and I very much don't need you acting like some kind of familial figure giving me a lecture about something I know full well how and why I fucked up on and owned up to.
Good day to you.
Ahh I see.
How about your shove your prank up your ass, bro?
I see you had no real interest in good faith discussion. I change my recommendation,jus do whatever the rest of your mod staff decides.
People like you are why leaving reddit was a wonderful idea.
Was the joke that you were horny for someone’s photos, even though you didn’t know this person at all? Did you only apologize after getting shut down, insisting the whole thing was just a “meme reference”? Did you completely undermine your own apology the following day by sliding into this person’s DMs again asking for a date, which made her so uncomfortable that she reached out for support?
This feels oddly aggressive. Given I merely wanted to give my answer and cover some uncertainties I had regarding the situation and have done so with op, I'm going to disengage now as I neither feel up to nor deserve to feel attacked.
A summary of the sexual harassment incident we are currently discussing makes you feel personally attacked?
It was the way in which you personally stated it and now continue. If that wasn't your intent then I apologize for saying it was. Nonetheless, I have nothing more to say to you given this clarification.
I'd suggest, also as a male, that it's a red flag. He's a new member and his first instinct is to sexually harass a female member, and then double down when he doesn't get the response he's looking for.
In any workplace I've been in, he'd be sacked. Why should he be given more leniency in a social situation?
That's a fair point, but in the business world you're a cog. They don't care about you they care about what you add to the company. Basing anything off of business is hardly a reasonable thing to consider.
That being said, I did update my response in a separate thread, (og left for posterity) i broke it down based on if the rule was established or not and then based on independent discussion with both parties to try to determine intent. Accidents happen and the response should take that into account.
I get where you're coming from, and I can always relate to any scepticism around corporate policy. To clarify, specifically, my thoughts around the workplace, they're entirely dependent on my own experience in small to medium sized companies in Australia with strong culture and policies around this sort of thing.
I recognise that other regions would have differing levels of enforcement and while not every social situation is equitable to expectations at work, in my personal view it's pretty cut and dry- you shouldn't need a rule in a social club specifically banning uninvited sexual comments, it's just a given that you don't do that.
I would disagree.
Having that rule written out allows for people to have a no mercy policy in rule enforcement. It's easy enough for us to say "no sexual harassment is common sense" but by having it, there are absolutely no uncertain terms regarding the club's stance and how they will rule on any incident.
People are dumb, while I would prefer to fix that to date the only working solution I've found is to make it clear what expectations are instead of relying on uncommon sense.