Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: [email protected]
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No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
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Mental Health [email protected]
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They expressed a concern that a warning means that it's ok to sexually harass members once, but not twice.
Without knowing your ruleset, I can see two ways of handling it.
Situation one, the rules did not call it out. If this is the case, it feels a little (like 5% if you can quantify feelings) bad to immediately ban someone for violating a non-exist rule. Particularly if it could have been an accident.
Situation two, the rules called it out. It could be worth talking with both people separately to determine intent. If it seems that the harassment was intentional, bannable offense. If it seems like he was not trying to harass her, strict talking to with a strike. Accidents do happen and a nuke option for an accident could lose a loss of other members out of fear.
that's why both parties must be interviewed separately of course. That will give you both perspectives allowing for an informed decision to be made.
For this specific situation I would say 2 is sufficient if it's clearly an accident according to both parties. 1 is sufficient if it seems to be intentional based on review.
that's why I addressed if the rule was stated. If it's not there, you'll need to weigh in on the situation and make the judgment call. Then the rules have to be addressed to show the club's stance on the matter and the consequences. After that, whatever consequences are stated by the rule are how each incident is handled no exceptions.
Up to you and the mod staff, but were I a mod I'm aware of no situation in which a racial slur is used as an actual prank. To drive home a point though, I am very well aware of situations where I've make a joke that didn't land well. I intended it to be funny, but it came across as weird and creepy. I apologized and it was an accident. Fortunately, that was taken into account when the situation was reviewed.
And that's where this conversation stops.
I don't need you guessing my age and I very much don't need you acting like some kind of familial figure giving me a lecture about something I know full well how and why I fucked up on and owned up to.
Good day to you.
Ahh I see.
How about your shove your prank up your ass, bro?
I see you had no real interest in good faith discussion. I change my recommendation,jus do whatever the rest of your mod staff decides.
People like you are why leaving reddit was a wonderful idea.
Was the joke that you were horny for someone’s photos, even though you didn’t know this person at all? Did you only apologize after getting shut down, insisting the whole thing was just a “meme reference”? Did you completely undermine your own apology the following day by sliding into this person’s DMs again asking for a date, which made her so uncomfortable that she reached out for support?
This feels oddly aggressive. Given I merely wanted to give my answer and cover some uncertainties I had regarding the situation and have done so with op, I'm going to disengage now as I neither feel up to nor deserve to feel attacked.
A summary of the sexual harassment incident we are currently discussing makes you feel personally attacked?
It was the way in which you personally stated it and now continue. If that wasn't your intent then I apologize for saying it was. Nonetheless, I have nothing more to say to you given this clarification.