askchapo

Ooh ooh this’ll be fun sure let’s go

• Excommunicate Joe Biden, JD Vance, and any other prominent Catholics in positions of power who have even passively supported Israel

• Remind people that charging interest is a sin and will prevent your entry into heaven. You must confess and atone, giving back all interest charged to your victims.

• It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. We’re gonna be saying that a lot. If you have wealth, the only way to salvation is to give up all of your wealth. If you give it to the church the church will make sure your needs are met.

• Declare Israel an enemy of.. humanity? Christendom? Not exactly sure on what wording would be best for the pope. But either way call on all Christian nations to use military force to end the criminal Israeli occupation of the Holy Land, and all Christians to oppose Israel through boycotts, divestment, and even violent action.

• You know those groups that have been doxxing anti-genocide activists? The Catholic Church will now be doing that for Israelis, and especially IDF members. If you are IDF or former IDF and you are outside of Israel, you should be worried about seeing your face on a billboard outside the local Catholic Church with your name and address and a list of your war crimes. Catholic followers should be encouraged that should they do something violent to these Nazis, God will commend them.

• Unironically we’re doing what another user said, straight marriage is still banned but priests are now allowed to marry other men

• We’re fixing homelessness. Temporarily we can use space in existing churches as shelters, but we will also build lots of housing that is rented at or below cost. This housing will also have communal dining halls with freely provided meals.

• Birth control and abortion are cool and good

• Unmarried sex is also cool and good just use protection

• Being gay or trans is also cool and good

• Some sort of declaration on the rights of children

• Speaking individually to each of the 6 Catholic members of the U.S. Supreme Court and showing them the secret footage of the JFK assassination where you watch his soul go straight to hell after and making sure we’re on the same page. If they’re not, I am willing to stage at least one of them getting angry and making an attempt on my life so the Swiss Guard had to merc them. Probably Alito.

• Declare using generative AI and LLMs a sin

• Make all archives about collaboration with Nazis, the CIA or other similar organizations publicly available

• Excommunicate all members of the church involved in coverups of child abuse

• Speak to Luigi Mangione. Declare him a political prisoner and a hero of the world, calling for his release. If the US still goes all the way to executing him, he will be immediately canonized as a saint.

• I would say cats can go to heaven but Francis already did that one, hell yeah

• Climate change is God’s punishment for capitalism. We must follow the lead of the People’s Republic of China to fully decarbonize the world economy and prevent this destruction of God’s creation. Declare the oil industries sinful, excommunicate anyone who refuses to quit their job for an oil company.