this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2025
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El Chisme
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this is the most doomer thing in the article for me. Please just let LOTR die.
So Andy completely buys into Orwell's elitist vision of the world. That's just great. Luckily the movie is going to bomb because only weirdos like us are paying attention to it.
The hunt for gollum source material wise is super super straightforward. They find him and the Aragon has to drag him all around kingdom come while he's super not cooperative. It would make for such a bad movie. I should personally be given the film rights to lotr and the budgets. My Children of Hurin trilogy would blow everyone away
Starring Nick Nolte as Aragorn Son of Arathorn and Eddie Murphy as Gollum?
Neither of those characters will be born for a few thousand years. Nick Nolte can voice Glaarung and Eddie Murphy can play Beleg. This isn't a black people can't play elves thing its an Eddie Murphy probably can't elf thing. It could work in a comedic take but he'd be redoing donkey from Shrek.
Not that any of the adaptions they're making are going to be good, but my understanding they are basically only allowed to adapt whats in the original Trilogy (Including appendices) and the Hobbit. So that's why there's a dogshit Rings of Power amazon show and the Hunt for Gollum.
I wondered why the Rings of Power had lore totally scrambled like if someone mixed the pages, so that's why. But they still had to take basically entire lore from outside LotR and Hobbit anyway.
I'll do it anyway
That'd be a depressing watch... get to work on it already!
Honestly I think i could do it with a pretty small budget considering the scope. So still like half a billion cause giant movie trilogies are expensive but that's half a billion for 3 movies. One advantage of the story is you can reuse a lot of sets. I've got a different visual idea for stuff than Jackson but id be an absolute stickler for not doing any production techniques that weren't used in fellowship aside from that fucking cave troll. Glaarung absolutely must be mostly animatronic. My vision style wise is half way between Jodorwoski and Jim Henson with a bit of Terry Gilliam's dirty as hell midevsl look from holy frail and jabbwerwocky but played more straight. Also, no fucking plate armor, Tolkien would be so fucking mad a out that cause its a post Norman conquest thing. I guess The Northman would be a solid stylistic jumping off point as well. My ideas for adapting Tolkien are artsy as fuck, id rather get the vibe across than anything.
My Beren and Luthien adaption is closer to The Leigh of Lethian, basically a film opera.
just let me see Nargothrond in its glory
Getting that right would be probably the one of the biggest expenses. The story doesn't really let you get away with a really kickass model shot and then only interiors. Full scale street facades as well as probably entire actual buildings would need to be done. Then you also have to destroy it later. When I fantasize about making movies I fantasize mid budget.
Also for location, not new Zealand. I wanna see snow. Beleriand was to the northwest of lotr middle earth and I think shooting somewhere in north eastern ish Europe would be ideal. This means it would end out shot in Vancouver but I know spots there that could make do, probably need to haul in some fake snow. I picture Children of Hurin to be a generally cold and wet vibe.
How many fucking LOTR movies have there already been?
The Lord of the Rings 57: The Franchise That Cannot Die! (2075)
Roman numerals would be visually better. But I think they'd weaken the joke. After 39 I start forgetting what's what.
Gregg Turkington's "one hundred Silmarillion movies" prediction is coming true
LOTR XXXX: THE LEGEND OF BOMBADIL'S GOLD
You have been permabanned "forever"? (I can't read Elvish) from r/LOTR for "greivious misuse of Roman numerals".
Until public schools make it a mandatory watch