this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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Patriarchy isn't "men bad", it's a social system that places men and women into predetermined, rigid boxes. This harms both men and women, since none of us are as rigid as the system demands us to be.
"Boys don't wear pink"
"Girls play with dolls"
"Men don't cry"
"Women who dress 'that way' deserve it"
All of those are patriarchy reinforcing statements. Again, this harmful belief that "men shouldn't have feelings" and them then bring rejected by women due to opening up is, on a macro level, due to the patriarchy. On an individual level, they're just people being assholes to their loved ones.
I honestly wish that a better word had been chosen than "patriarchy". Because at first blush it does look like "men bad" in an environment in which there are people who are predisposed to dismiss it as such.
Particularly since the patriarchy harms everyone. It can smack of "you're the enemy and it's your fault you're suffering" to the uninitiated. And bad faith actors are using that to misrepresent feminism and perpetuate the patriarchy.
That's what "patriarchy" means; rule by men. If you mean something else, say something else.
Yeah, if it's not intended to be anti-men there's plenty of other words that could be used. Patriarchy as a concept is as the other poster described, but weaponization of the term is a different layer from the term itself. There's all sorts of mental gymnastics involved when you talk to people whose main patriarchy problem is their mother.
That having been said it's important to remember that in terms of the overall bulk of humanity, men are significantly more externally violent and rapey than the general population of women by at least an order of magnitude. My gut feeling on the situation is that a lot of the sentiment in this thread is directly related to that outcome, but it's still important to remember that on average if you put a woman and a man in a locked room, the woman is in far more danger.
Curiously, lesbian relationships show similar rates of domestic abuse to hetero relationships.