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That's not how that works. ASD is one thing; behavior is another. However.
My son is on the spectrum, not diagnosed until his mid teens. He's attended some college so far, and took advantage of a support program at the school for people with an ASD diagnosis. The first year, he was in a dorm specifically built for this program, so over the course of the year, he got a lot of new exposure to "people like him."
Just today he was remarking (again) about how "sheltered" and "coddled" a lot of the other students in this program are. He sees how people respond to situations, and he sees how parents interact with their kids when visiting, moving in/out.
My son is glad to not have had a diagnosis until later on. He recognizes that having gotten some bullying in school - while definitely not desirable, did happen - forced him to be introspective, and forced him to figure out coping mechanisms on his own.
Those are beneficial skills that are well taught by experience, and overprotective parenting (whether the kid is on the spectrum or not) reduces the ability for kids to learn those skills.
There's bullying and there's romantic trauma - a very normal thing for people with autism. There's really nothing good in romantic trauma in an NT environment for an autistic person. Nothing good at all.
Also there's some bullying and there's a lot of bullying.
He might have simply been in a good school and called that bullying.
Anyway, there lived such a guy as M.I. Dragomirov, a Russian general, his approaches to warfare are a fossil, but his approaches to upbringing and healthy relationships in a military can be roughly summed up as "one who's taught to fear a stick will fear enemy bayonet even more". Being subject to bullying does not generally teach one bravery. I mean, there are probably very virtuous parents who'll explain to their kid that always hitting back and even when the teachers and other kids are on the bully's side. But a lot of parents will pretend there's no bullying and tell their kid to ignore it, and that hitting back is wrong.
I would really like to not have been in that school, the skills I've learned there I feel I won't ever need in any environment other than an actual warzone. But in that case an autistic person will function even worse than other people, skills or not.
And then there’s some of us who just didn’t figure this stuff out on our own at all and somehow “got by.” It has sure made a whole lot of my life pretty fucking miserable though. And finally got diagnosed when I was 45 years old. And now I can access abilities and skills that have been completely walled off for me before by a fog. In my case, it’s ADHD, although I highly suspect I am somewhat autistic as well.
That's what I'm trying to get at. How many people are borderline enough that if they had to figure things out on their own wouldn't get diagnosed as an adult. Like I'm high functioning, but still too far in. But I've met a good number of people older than me that probably are autistic, but have learned to work with it.
Again, that's not how that works. ASD diagnosis is a lengthy process involving multiple days of interviewing. When someone goes undiagnosed until adulthood, but has figured out their own coping mechanisms and strategies, that doesn't mean they aren't on the spectrum anymore. As above, ASD and behavior are two different things.
Have you been diagnosed? If you had, I'd have to think you would already know the above.
Yes, see below.
I'm not arguing that they're not autistic, I don't understand where you're getting. Just that they've learned to "mask" and they think it's normal, and they've gotten to the point that it's not something they're consciously doing. IE I had a speech impediment, I had a counselor work with me to fix it, I spent months consciously thinking about pronouncing it correct, and eventually it became the "normal" thing to do and required no thought. Eye contact has never been something I'm good at, but it no longer burns my soul to look into someones eyes. And if I need to be a good boy it takes almost 0 thought to maintain eye contact. It's now the "normal" thing to do.
He's lucky, it sounds like he found out at the right time. I didn't find out until much later and while my coping and masking skills work for a few hours, they're exhausting to do, they make me feel like I'm lying about who I am, and I can never be relaxed around people.