Comradeship // Freechat

I posted on Reddit recently about my disability and someone offered advice about what I could look at to manage it. It didn't offend me, it was really just a list, but I saw that their comment was deleted later. I think the subreddit has a rule not to offer advice unless specifically requested.

So look. It's natural to want to offer advice to disabled people or people in general because we want to help them and make their lives easier (most of the time lol)

The problem is, you can't know beforehand how it will come across. They might not appreciate it and either put up appearances or tell you off, you might convey it in a way you didn't intend and cause friction... you just can't know. Too many variables.

In the case of that reddit comment it was just kinda random advice like looking at vagus nerve therapy (I don't even know how I would begin to look for this lol), and also if you don't know where my problem stems from and where I'm at in terms of treatment, your advice is basically worth nothing. sorry but it's true. If you don't have all the facts, anything that you say will be nonsense to quote my main man (this is not true my main man is marx and his wit).

So instead of offering advice on managing symptoms, here are some questions you can ask to give your disabled acquaintance agency, and show that you trust them to care for themselves without butting into their business.

• "What helps you manage symptoms or episodes?"
• "Is there some therapy you're thinking of exploring but haven't tried yet?"
• "What usually happens at your doctor's appointments?"
• "Are some days better than others, in terms of symptoms?" (they will probably say yes, but it opens up conversation).
• "What are you looking forward to?" (Could be a double-edged sword)

These are just "small talk" questions that fit most situations.

If all words fail you, there's always a simple failsafe, my case worker is great for this. She knows she can't cure me, because that's not her job, not her expertise, not her responsibility. So when I explain my symptoms (mostly so she won't try to put me to work lol), she just agrees and says "yeah, that sucks" in more professional terms of course. It communicates that she understands her limitations, but that she still listens and understands what I'm saying. It's not invalidating, in fact it's actually validating because it's as non-judgmental as you can get.