this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2024
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Autism
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Hello, can you explain the meme to me?
Bit late to the party here, but I took it to refer to ASD masking. Back in high school I had heaps of different masks/personalities and they could clash if people from different cliques got together.
Juggling masks leads to big time ASD burnout.
I see, I feel like I did this in highschool and younger adulting years as well. I don't have autism though.
How did you overcome the masking?
I'm sure it's quite common for NT people to vary their personality to suit the occasion too but ASD masking is more than just slight personality changes and requires huge effort and energy to sustain.
I didn't overcome masking. I did really well juggling masks in early high school but it requires more and more effort as you get older while constantly grinding you down, which limits your ability to juggle masks at which point things start to collapse and you burnout. I ended up in hospital then moved out to a remote bushland location to become a hermit.
Go and see a healthcare professional if you are struggling. Diving in and taking your mental health seriously is really the only thing that will start you on the path to recovery.
I see, ya I lean introvert so it does take time to recover after socializing. It's been getting easier as I age because I don't try to impress others as much.
When you say mask, what would you have to mask?
I'm sorry you had to move and become a hermit. I hope you find happiness or have already found it.
Does talking on the Internet also cause any kind of burnout or do you use masking on the net?
Heres two quick youtube videos that explain ASD masking better than I could.
Autistic Masking In 3 Minutes - Autistic Masking In A Nutshell
The Problem with Masking ADHD and Autism (burnout, etc.)
I've always been a lurker online. I've only just committed to trying to involve myself in the ASD community recently. But talking online doesn't require the effort of masking in person because there's not body language to interpret and mimic, speech patterns or accents that have to be changed and I can take as much time as I need to form and edit a reply. Plus if I feel the need to, I don't have to respond to someone online or I can kill the account and start with a fresh one. Much less pressure.
I, too, prefer talking online/through text than verbally. It gives me time to collect my thoughts and put them in to words. In person I often fumble over my words. Or swap words in a sentence.
I also don't have to worry about people interrupting me to chime in with something while I'm speaking. That always throws me off my thought process and it leaves me kind of scrambling for a response. Which almost always defaults to a short, one or two word answer.
This also happens to make job interviews one of the most stressful things for me to ever deal with. It is so mentally exhausting trying to give good eye contact, have a friendly facial expression, not stim, and then answer whatever curveball questions they throw at me in a timely manner.
0/10 do not recommend.
This drives me nuts! I often completely lose the train of thought and go blank. I also have very little patience for frustration and interrupting me while I'm spending the effort trying to articulate thoughts is a good way to piss me off.
In my late teens/early 20s, long before I was diagnosed, I tried to do some work on improving social skills and read books by the FBI/CIA on body language and interview techniques (lots of info on interpreting peoples actions, words and motives), some self-help books (total crap and not helpful) and social dynamics. The body language and interview techniques were helpful for navigating some of the adult situations I hadn't dealt with before (job interviews, meetings with figures of authority that can be stressful).
Below responses aren't getting the meme, at least as I understand it.
I have different groups of friends that I do different activities with. One particular group are mostly ex colleagues (some of them were my staff), so while we catch up and drink and talk about the old days, politics, our industry etc - they're not people who have heard me talk about sex, or make really poor taste jokes about religion etc. They've never seen me high, or dance on a table etc. Wrong crowd.
That 'personality' is the one my friends dating back to highschool know. They don't know me as a person with views on industrial relations reform or climate change action. They know me as someone who'll make a dirty joke, drag them on stage to do karaoke, and who'll want 3 bloody Mary's for breakfast on holidays.
That's what it means by personality. If I started showing either group a different side , it would feel weird to those people. That's what this meme means. It's not as deep as hiding who you are. It's a meme.
People can have multiple personalities depending on variables like the environment or the social context. They chose a personality to approach someone and they didn't like it.
I do not understand choosing a personality? I'm thinking when you walk up to someone you pick a very small part of your personality and show it to them to see a response and go from there.
Can you describe this?
Yeha, I think that's what they mean. Like they have their personality compartmentalized, not that they have multiple personalities. Let's say they chose to be goofballs with a girl because they thought she would like it but then they find she's too serious and doesn't enjoy goofball jokes at all.
Some people can alter their behavior to get a desired output. I guess it isn't something people do constantly but there might be scenarios.
why do that?
Because, for some reason, people think it's better to smooth over social situations by acting inauthentically than handle any amount of friction or disagreement. But that's how people end up with entire friend groups they don't relate to, and feel unhappy.
Personally, I think most people lack the emotional maturity to act authentic to themselves and say 'fuck the haters'. People who do that tend to end up a lot more satisfied with life than chronic people-pleasers. I would know - I've tried both ways, and the people-pleasing only leads to anxiety and shame, like the OP's meme describes.
I would say it's more a matter of creating an appropriate external persona so that what other people see is your authentic self. An example of this is if you're naturally reserved and quiet, most people would interpret that as disinterest or animosity. But if do you like the other person, you need to put on a bit of an act to communicate that.
I take the opposite approach. If I notice someone is more chatty than I am, I make a point to tell them upfront "hey, I'm usually pretty quiet, but I still enjoy conversations even if they're a little one-sided". It's a good test of character - if they still have a problem with me after I communicated clearly, then we're not compatible, and I don't need to worry about them. But I have certainly had friends that would talk my ear off and I'd happily nod and offer small insights or facts, and it worked out. It's more about finding the right people - instead of trying to become the right person.
I think you make some valid points. I'm trying to understand the context of personality changes. I wonder if they are referring to; not showing who they really are, personality switching??, or just showing parts of who they are. To me, It's a very confusing statement.
Do you have autism?
Because otherwise, we would either do not say a word, or we would show our worst sides to the person. And that would be embarrassing.