Today, before taking an Uber home, she sent me a text wanting me to be downstairs on the street to greet her as the Uber arrives. I read it and told her that yes, I'll be there. I didn't notice any further text because I was in the middle of something.
Later, I hear the door opening and went to our door to greet her, she was furious and refused to talk to me. I realized I forgot to turn my phone back from silent mode after work today. I told her that it is my bad, she still refused to talk to me. At this point, things are still normal for our relationship, she would usually become willing to talk after a while.
I usually go to sleep at 22:30 and she knows, so I thought we'd sort things out tomorrow and went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night (later I found out it was 1a.m.) to her standing next to my bed (we sleep in separate bedrooms), and she began asking a series of pointed questions: "What would you do if you found out that I was gone?", "What would you do if the CCTV on our street is broken by chance?", "What would you tell my mother if I went missing?", "If I was actually kidnapped, would you kill the guy for me?"
You know, the usual. I thought she's just angry at me still and wanted to vent, so I went along with her for the time being: "I'd be very worried and look for you everywhere", "I'd sue the city", "I'd tell your mother exactly what happened and say I'm sorry", and "I'd kill the guy who kidnapped you".
She grumbled and asked a few follow-up questions, like "if you're planning to kill the guy, what would you do with our cat?" But at this point, I think she's finding it difficult to stay angry at me. I tell her again that I'm sorry I missed her text, and that next time this happens, she should just call me to make sure I see her text, but she left soon after without acknowledging my apology.
I know I'm in the wrong for missing her text. Not trying to argue otherwise. My question is, am I really responsible if someone kidnaps her between getting off the Uber and getting into our apartment complex? Is she trying to guilt trip me into thinking her anger is justified or am I really a horrible, kidnap-facilitating bad person for missing a few texts?
Edit for context: we live in a pretty safe city that ranks top 10 in the world on low crime rate. Also, thank you all for educating me on what gaslighting actually means. It was 2 in the morning when I posted this, I did not have the energy to find the answer myself.
My main question is why are you already sleeping in separate bedrooms at this point?
One of many reasons; people are shift workers and keep different hours and don’t want to disturb each others sleep when alarms go off/they get out of bed.
I worked night shift for a year or two, that is indeed why we started sleeping in separate bedrooms. Right now, our schedule is still a 1-2 hours apart, enough for us to want to sleep in separate bedrooms.
Absolutely wild lmao. I understand how it starts with opposite schedules but damn. My girl clocks in an hour earlier than me but also wakes up at least a couple before me for her morning ritual. I literally don't even hear her alarms at this point. You know I'm getting them cuddles.
Although hard to be encouraging getting them cuddles here -- your tolerance for intolerable behavior from your significant other is beyond what I'd endure. Obviously just seeing a small slice of the relationship, but yeah nah I don't play like that.
After a few relationships my tolerance for bullshit drama is mighty low. Love my chill gal who down to earth and behaves like a reasonable adult.
It's not like we're constantly at odds with each other as well, normally I'd go to her bed, or she'd come to mine for a while before I sleep to "get them cuddles" as you put it.
For sure, you definitely know your relationship better than I do. Keep an eyeball on how much the drama and loyalty tests, etc, pop up tho.
No shade, rooting for ye, all the best 🤙