this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2024
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Are you asserting that nobody should ever have any preferences? Do you meet your own standard?
OP didn't say he's throwing women out of bed for having piercings. He expressed a preference for them not to.
I prefer dark hair. Sometimes it's red or blonde or blue.
I prefer pubic hair. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not.
I prefer a few extra pounds. Sometimes those pounds aren't there. Sometimes a few extra is more like a lot extra.
In no example above did I shut down the interaction, nor did I experience any less pleasure.
But I still have preferences. That's all they are though.
I never said he did. I asked him why he specifically said he's disappointed that so many women are choosing to get those piercings. Re-read my comment. What does random women he has nothing to do with having piercings have to do with him? Why would that elicit disappointment? What is he disappointed in?
I never said there's anything wrong with having preferences for who you sleep with lol you might want to re-read my comment
If you had a preference for dark hair and many dark haired women were going blonde you might be disappointed in a general decrease in women who met your ideal aesthetic. If you aren't shallow or are shallow but aren't a beautiful rich Adonis you probably aren't turning down any dates based on such criteria but mathematically trends which run contra to preference mean a decrease in average fitness according to your own accounting.
Imagine if a huge portion of men were really into boy bands and mullets. The trend would mean that if you selected men based on other more meaningful criteria like financial stability and emotional maturity that you have an increasing chance of a mullet in your future. As critical mullet mass approaches you may feel disappointed at the popularity of the trend.
That would be true, but for one, the percentage of women with nipple piercings is statistically insignificant. For two, you don't actually have any measurable way of telling with certainty how popular those piercings are. So it's not really as comparable to hair color, which you can ascertain at a glance. And even then, I would expect some kind of clarification that this has been obtrusive or obstructive to the speaker. "I've been disappointed so many times to find out that my date had their nipples pierced" or something to that effect. Just saying "some women are doing this aesthetic thing to their bodies, and it disappoints me" is not really saying the same thing.
There may be a fundamental disagreement here over whether or not it is valid to feel a sense of ownership over other people's appearances. "Oh no, that guy would've been so cute if he hadn't grown out a mullet I wish he hadn't" would be a strange thing to think, let alone verbalize, about a stranger. It implies that by virtue of that man changing some aspect of appearance the speaker has lost something tangible. It might give the speaker pause in that situation to realize that their language kinda makes it seem like they're entitled to "mullet-less" men. We also have to consider the emphasis that puts on men who do have mullets. The speaker in this case is collectively denigrating all of them for failing to meet their expectation of non-mullet hairstyles, despite those men not knowing the speaker and having nothing to do with them.
The original poster was denigrating all pierced women. The person you replied to merely expressed a preference. Semantically I prefer women who don't have septum or nipple piercings and I'm disappointed so many women have one or the other is the same statement save that it expresses an emotion that the person feels not one he feels THEY should feel. Also its quite possible that more people in his dating pool have this preference than the entire US population because he is liable to encounter and date people in a comparatively small age and culture range on average. I would assume young urban women are more likely to pierce. I think you are more reacting to the negative nature of the parent post rather than the relatively mild statement made by commenter.
I'm reacting to the comment made by the commenter. Those are not semantically the same statement, though. They literally aren't. It expresses an expectation for others' bodies to be a certain way and a dissappointment when they aren't. The word dissapponted is not interchangeable with preference. "I dislike nipple piercings" is not the same thing as "I am disappointed in women who get them." You intuitively know this too because someone being angry with you implies a direct response to something you've done. Someone being disappointed in you implies they had an expectation for you that you failed to meet. It also takes literally nothing from the speaker to clarify this, which the commenter did not.
I have no feelings whatsoever on the subject of whether the commenter likes nipple piercings or not. I do not have nipple piercings and am entirely uninterested in what the commenter thinks about them. I object to men using language that enforces ownership over women's bodies. As I said in my prior comment, this is an everyday occurrence for us. This happens to us all the time. My body is not your business, and the bodies of random women are not the business of the commenter.
As I said before, how would he materially know how many women have nipple piercings? It's possible to have them and them not be visible in public. If his gripe was with how many women he's hooked up with that have them, he would've said that not that he's disappointed in women who get them.
This entire thing stemmed from a simple call out on something the commenter said. A way that his language implied that women's bodies should be a certain way. It was never a big deal until several men immediately mischaracterized what I said and tried to imply that I am stupid, that I dont know what I'm talking about, that I'm weird, that I don't speak English lol. One commenter rambled on about his dick. I would've left the comment and moved on, that was always my intent. It was the visceral response at the mere suggestion that something he said may have had a misogynistic implication that prolonged this conversation into what it became.
I do not think you are stupid. I am aware that its not exactly rare for men to be misogynists. I don't think people put as much effort into precise choice of words as you are.
Are you not a native English speaker? Do you understand that people can give opinions and critique of things they don't like without it meaning an expectation that someone is going to DO something for them? You immediately made some random, innocuous comment about someone's aesthetic tastes into an issue about entitlement and I assume implications about sex? Don't you get how fucking weird that is? It betrays something on YOUR mind specifically that nobody here is talking about.
Do you think people shouldn't have fashion preferences? Do you think humans can't or should not have feelings about things? Every comment you make here just makes it weirder.
disappointed dɪsəˈpɔɪntɪd
adjective
Here saved you a Google search lmao 😂
What is your point? Did a billboard with the word "disappointment" fall on your great uncle and kill him?
No I'm saying that using that term implies an expectation for those women that they are failing to meet. I am asking why he has an expectation for random women to not get those piercings. Re-read my comment omg 🙄
You also accused me of not knowing how to speak English while seemingly not understanding what the word dissappointed means.
I've re-read your comment dozens of times trying to understand why this concept is lost on you, that it's FINE to be disappointed with someone's fashion choices, be it someone you know personally, or a generalized view of trends. It's OKAY. It doesn't MEAN anything other than, some people like things and other people do not. I too feel a sense of disappointment when people with otherwise pretty features accessorize it in ways that distract or detract from my preference. AND THAT'S ALSO OKAY.
You know what else? You're ALSO allowed to be disappointed with how some people dress, talk, act or just about ANYTHING else that you like or don't like. This is called being an adult human with values, taste and self-esteem.
Whatever cartoonish picture jumped into your head of some "alpha male" casting judgement on women he wants to sleep with, which I think you're picturing here, that shit is coming from a place of insecurity or pain inside YOU, this is not an objectifying or entitled attitude to express or hold. Disappointment with someone's choices is a normal and healthy thing that men and women feel and express all the time and sure it can become toxic in extreme circumstances, it's nowhere NEAR that to just express not liking a thing.
He didn't say someone in particular. He said he was "disappointed so many girls" are getting those piercings. That doesn't imply specific women, it implies women in general.
It's fine for him not to like them, I'm calling out his use of language and how it implies that all women are beholden to some expectation he has for them.
The rest of your comment is genuinely bizarre and I have no idea what you're even talking about. Read through the comment tree again. I never said anything about who the commenter was. Just calling out something he said and the implication inherent in it.
"it implies women in general."
No, it implies a specific group of women, namely those with such piercings.
and we're calling out your use of language and the implication inherent in it.
Youre mischaracterizing what I said as though I made some comment about the commenter having preferences. Which is not and never was what I said.
If you're going to call out something I said and the implication in it, at least tell me what I said that you're calling out and what the implication was in what I said.
I for one, am disappointed in you.
Cool. You're so brave.
He used the word dissappontment holy shit do you not know what the word means??
He used that word I'm no fucking misinterpreting him lmao
I never said people shouldn't have opinions on fashion choices omfg I was literally calling out his framing of that opinion 😂 yall are tripping omg haha
you don't like that he doesn't like piercings? You sound fragile.
That's not what I said. I questioned why he said he is disappointed with what random women are doing with their bodies. I can paste the definition of the word here if you don't know what it means.
What makes my member engorged is seeing women with giant ear lobes. I am disappointed that I don't see more of them / that more women don't have giant ear lobes dragging on the ground.
Why I am disappointed? Because I think the world needs more beauty, and I like having my member engorged, and giant, floppy earlobes do both things.
Now, if you are going to twist my words into claiming that I think all women should have their ears flapping loosely in the wind, that is where you are having problems.
In your world, disappointment is something that must be fixed and corrected. Well, I'm sorry to say, but much like your sexual partners, disappointment is something we all have to learn to live with.
I'm not upset with the concept of disappointment. I'm calling out the fact that saying he's disappointed with women for having piercings is a statement about how women's bodies should be. It's saying that women are beholden to an expectation of how their bodies should be, and that when they have nipple piercings they are failing to meet his expectations of them.
Why do you focus on the word "expectations"? The definition you yourself posted in this thread clearly mentions "hopes OR expectations". I think the use of the term "disappointment" in this case refers to the "hopes" part. You can hope for something from someone without expecting it from them.