this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2024
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Why are you disappointed? What is the disappointment here? That you don't want to sleep with random women who get those piercings? You were never entitled to do so in the first place, so I'm not sure how that could be a disappointment to you.
Save the next commenter some time, the word dissapponted implies that someone or something failed to meet an expectation the speaker has for it. In this case the someone or something is women who choose to get nipple piercings. So the implication is that the commenter has an expectation for women that is failing to be met when they get nipple piercings.
I don't give a fuck who he does or does not want to sleep with, or what reasons he may have for doing so. I'm calling out the way he framed his opinion in that sentence, because again, it implies he has an expectation for women that is not being met if they get nipple piercings.
Don't bother responding to me unless you're going to tell me why it's alright to have such an expectation for random women about their bodies.
Are you asserting that nobody should ever have any preferences? Do you meet your own standard?
OP didn't say he's throwing women out of bed for having piercings. He expressed a preference for them not to.
I prefer dark hair. Sometimes it's red or blonde or blue.
I prefer pubic hair. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not.
I prefer a few extra pounds. Sometimes those pounds aren't there. Sometimes a few extra is more like a lot extra.
In no example above did I shut down the interaction, nor did I experience any less pleasure.
But I still have preferences. That's all they are though.
I never said he did. I asked him why he specifically said he's disappointed that so many women are choosing to get those piercings. Re-read my comment. What does random women he has nothing to do with having piercings have to do with him? Why would that elicit disappointment? What is he disappointed in?
I never said there's anything wrong with having preferences for who you sleep with lol you might want to re-read my comment
If you had a preference for dark hair and many dark haired women were going blonde you might be disappointed in a general decrease in women who met your ideal aesthetic. If you aren't shallow or are shallow but aren't a beautiful rich Adonis you probably aren't turning down any dates based on such criteria but mathematically trends which run contra to preference mean a decrease in average fitness according to your own accounting.
Imagine if a huge portion of men were really into boy bands and mullets. The trend would mean that if you selected men based on other more meaningful criteria like financial stability and emotional maturity that you have an increasing chance of a mullet in your future. As critical mullet mass approaches you may feel disappointed at the popularity of the trend.
That would be true, but for one, the percentage of women with nipple piercings is statistically insignificant. For two, you don't actually have any measurable way of telling with certainty how popular those piercings are. So it's not really as comparable to hair color, which you can ascertain at a glance. And even then, I would expect some kind of clarification that this has been obtrusive or obstructive to the speaker. "I've been disappointed so many times to find out that my date had their nipples pierced" or something to that effect. Just saying "some women are doing this aesthetic thing to their bodies, and it disappoints me" is not really saying the same thing.
There may be a fundamental disagreement here over whether or not it is valid to feel a sense of ownership over other people's appearances. "Oh no, that guy would've been so cute if he hadn't grown out a mullet I wish he hadn't" would be a strange thing to think, let alone verbalize, about a stranger. It implies that by virtue of that man changing some aspect of appearance the speaker has lost something tangible. It might give the speaker pause in that situation to realize that their language kinda makes it seem like they're entitled to "mullet-less" men. We also have to consider the emphasis that puts on men who do have mullets. The speaker in this case is collectively denigrating all of them for failing to meet their expectation of non-mullet hairstyles, despite those men not knowing the speaker and having nothing to do with them.
The original poster was denigrating all pierced women. The person you replied to merely expressed a preference. Semantically I prefer women who don't have septum or nipple piercings and I'm disappointed so many women have one or the other is the same statement save that it expresses an emotion that the person feels not one he feels THEY should feel. Also its quite possible that more people in his dating pool have this preference than the entire US population because he is liable to encounter and date people in a comparatively small age and culture range on average. I would assume young urban women are more likely to pierce. I think you are more reacting to the negative nature of the parent post rather than the relatively mild statement made by commenter.
I'm reacting to the comment made by the commenter. Those are not semantically the same statement, though. They literally aren't. It expresses an expectation for others' bodies to be a certain way and a dissappointment when they aren't. The word dissapponted is not interchangeable with preference. "I dislike nipple piercings" is not the same thing as "I am disappointed in women who get them." You intuitively know this too because someone being angry with you implies a direct response to something you've done. Someone being disappointed in you implies they had an expectation for you that you failed to meet. It also takes literally nothing from the speaker to clarify this, which the commenter did not.
I have no feelings whatsoever on the subject of whether the commenter likes nipple piercings or not. I do not have nipple piercings and am entirely uninterested in what the commenter thinks about them. I object to men using language that enforces ownership over women's bodies. As I said in my prior comment, this is an everyday occurrence for us. This happens to us all the time. My body is not your business, and the bodies of random women are not the business of the commenter.
As I said before, how would he materially know how many women have nipple piercings? It's possible to have them and them not be visible in public. If his gripe was with how many women he's hooked up with that have them, he would've said that not that he's disappointed in women who get them.
This entire thing stemmed from a simple call out on something the commenter said. A way that his language implied that women's bodies should be a certain way. It was never a big deal until several men immediately mischaracterized what I said and tried to imply that I am stupid, that I dont know what I'm talking about, that I'm weird, that I don't speak English lol. One commenter rambled on about his dick. I would've left the comment and moved on, that was always my intent. It was the visceral response at the mere suggestion that something he said may have had a misogynistic implication that prolonged this conversation into what it became.
I do not think you are stupid. I am aware that its not exactly rare for men to be misogynists. I don't think people put as much effort into precise choice of words as you are.
Are you not a native English speaker? Do you understand that people can give opinions and critique of things they don't like without it meaning an expectation that someone is going to DO something for them? You immediately made some random, innocuous comment about someone's aesthetic tastes into an issue about entitlement and I assume implications about sex? Don't you get how fucking weird that is? It betrays something on YOUR mind specifically that nobody here is talking about.
Do you think people shouldn't have fashion preferences? Do you think humans can't or should not have feelings about things? Every comment you make here just makes it weirder.
disappointed dɪsəˈpɔɪntɪd
adjective
Here saved you a Google search lmao 😂
What is your point? Did a billboard with the word "disappointment" fall on your great uncle and kill him?
No I'm saying that using that term implies an expectation for those women that they are failing to meet. I am asking why he has an expectation for random women to not get those piercings. Re-read my comment omg 🙄
You also accused me of not knowing how to speak English while seemingly not understanding what the word dissappointed means.
I've re-read your comment dozens of times trying to understand why this concept is lost on you, that it's FINE to be disappointed with someone's fashion choices, be it someone you know personally, or a generalized view of trends. It's OKAY. It doesn't MEAN anything other than, some people like things and other people do not. I too feel a sense of disappointment when people with otherwise pretty features accessorize it in ways that distract or detract from my preference. AND THAT'S ALSO OKAY.
You know what else? You're ALSO allowed to be disappointed with how some people dress, talk, act or just about ANYTHING else that you like or don't like. This is called being an adult human with values, taste and self-esteem.
Whatever cartoonish picture jumped into your head of some "alpha male" casting judgement on women he wants to sleep with, which I think you're picturing here, that shit is coming from a place of insecurity or pain inside YOU, this is not an objectifying or entitled attitude to express or hold. Disappointment with someone's choices is a normal and healthy thing that men and women feel and express all the time and sure it can become toxic in extreme circumstances, it's nowhere NEAR that to just express not liking a thing.
He didn't say someone in particular. He said he was "disappointed so many girls" are getting those piercings. That doesn't imply specific women, it implies women in general.
It's fine for him not to like them, I'm calling out his use of language and how it implies that all women are beholden to some expectation he has for them.
The rest of your comment is genuinely bizarre and I have no idea what you're even talking about. Read through the comment tree again. I never said anything about who the commenter was. Just calling out something he said and the implication inherent in it.
"it implies women in general."
No, it implies a specific group of women, namely those with such piercings.
and we're calling out your use of language and the implication inherent in it.
Youre mischaracterizing what I said as though I made some comment about the commenter having preferences. Which is not and never was what I said.
If you're going to call out something I said and the implication in it, at least tell me what I said that you're calling out and what the implication was in what I said.
I for one, am disappointed in you.
Cool. You're so brave.
He used the word dissappontment holy shit do you not know what the word means??
He used that word I'm no fucking misinterpreting him lmao
I never said people shouldn't have opinions on fashion choices omfg I was literally calling out his framing of that opinion 😂 yall are tripping omg haha
you don't like that he doesn't like piercings? You sound fragile.
That's not what I said. I questioned why he said he is disappointed with what random women are doing with their bodies. I can paste the definition of the word here if you don't know what it means.
What makes my member engorged is seeing women with giant ear lobes. I am disappointed that I don't see more of them / that more women don't have giant ear lobes dragging on the ground.
Why I am disappointed? Because I think the world needs more beauty, and I like having my member engorged, and giant, floppy earlobes do both things.
Now, if you are going to twist my words into claiming that I think all women should have their ears flapping loosely in the wind, that is where you are having problems.
In your world, disappointment is something that must be fixed and corrected. Well, I'm sorry to say, but much like your sexual partners, disappointment is something we all have to learn to live with.
I'm not upset with the concept of disappointment. I'm calling out the fact that saying he's disappointed with women for having piercings is a statement about how women's bodies should be. It's saying that women are beholden to an expectation of how their bodies should be, and that when they have nipple piercings they are failing to meet his expectations of them.
Why do you focus on the word "expectations"? The definition you yourself posted in this thread clearly mentions "hopes OR expectations". I think the use of the term "disappointment" in this case refers to the "hopes" part. You can hope for something from someone without expecting it from them.
Bro is expressing distaste in a fashion accessory, why you so bitter and taking it so hard? You ok?
He can say he doesn't like them. That's not what he said. He said he's disappointed that so many women are getting them. I asked him why he's disappointed that random women are choosing to get a piercing he dislikes? What do those random women have to do with him exactly?
"so many" just means the women he's interacting with have them more often than they previously remember.
It's their own anecdotal, subset. A sample.
They are discussing the observation they have on the women they are meeting. Not all women.
To assume they are describing all women, or further, passing some meaningful judgement on all women is an invention of the reader
No you went on a rant about if op is "entitled" to those women. That's just a fucking weird take from someone talking about disappointment in a fashion choice that people choose. Don't reframe your weird comment.
Again, what is he disappointed in? Do you not know how fucking language works? Are you unfamiliar with the use of the word "dissappointed"? For example, you might say: Your mom is disappointed when you ask her to send you another 300.00 for the 5th time this month, because in her mind "she raised you to be better than that". She's pissed because you asked her. But she's disappointed because your actions do not meet her expectations for you.
So I'll ask again, what is he disappointed in? Why is he disappointed with the choices of random women who have nothing to do with him?
Edit: clarified I wasn't trying to make a statement on the personal life of the commenter who i don't know. Just a snarky example.
Okay setting aside your clearly toxic and unkind attitude that is betraying what this is really about, some personal issue that is making you seeth, why is the word "disappointment" triggering YOU so hard?
I would be disappointed if my date comes home with me and takes off their shirt and they have a tattoo of Sonic the Hedgehog on their chest. Because I don't want to look at Sonic when we're together, does that make a lick of fucking sense? Do you understand that people have consensual relationships and preferences for their partners?
Yeah I'm toxic, you're the one who flipped out at me for asking the commenter a question 😂 I'll admit it was aggro but I don't know you and was not trying to make a statement about your personal life that I have no knowledge of. I was showing the way that word functions and how it differs from other direct feelings in response to something. Disappointment is a specific emotion with a specific meaning.
He didn't say that if someone he dated had nipple piercings he'd be dissappointed, he said he was "disappointed so many girls" are choosing to get them. Don't try and reframe what he said. You don't have to come up with elaborate allegories we can talk about what he said right there.
I quizzed you why you thought a normal, common expression of aesthetic taste became a sexual entitlement issue to you immediately, it was weird, it remains weird, you are weird, every comment makes you seem weirder about it, and I don't think this is a healthy place for you to be engaging and tripling down on. I'm blocking you for your good as much as mine.
Lol yeah okay have fun dude you're still mischaracterizing what I said. I never said anything about him having preferences. 🙄
yeah, that's your entire thing. Ripping into him for having preferences. How dare he, and how dare he have an emotional reaction to his preferences. The fact he isn't dead inside proves he isn't married to you. ;-)
You're just petulantly refusing to actually respond to what I have said at this point. I don't care about his preferences.
and yet, here you are...
Yes, here I am, not making any arguments about his preferences. 🙄
and yet, there you go again, bitching about his preferences.
I get it. English is a weird, difficult language, and it isn't your first. You're probably from northern Europe, I presume? Take it from absolutely everyone here telling you you misunderstood that you misunderstood. It's a learning experience. Being wrong isn't the end of the world for you. Grow from it.
One minute, you're rambling about your engorged member, and the next you're demonstrating again that you still don't understand what I was saying. Fuck off.
we know what you're saying. You're saying you don't understand English.
No, I'm not. If you don't know what the word disappointed means, you should look it up.
everyone here is aware of your attempts to use English via a dictionary.
It's not just based on the dictionary it's literally what the word fucking means. Jesus christ. Re-read my comments. I have absolutely no desire to continue this. I've made my fucking point. Leave me alone.
right. The point is that you aren't fluent in English, and so are LITERALLY using a dictionary to communicate. By using only one literal definition of a word, without considering context, subtext or how the word is used, you both don't understand the conversation nor are you able to contribute in kind.
You'll note I discussed the context subtext and use of the word in my comments. 🙃 that's what this whole thing has been about... sigh
Can you also stop trying to insinuate that I'm not an anglophone person? It's fucking weird