this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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I went home with a lady friend, who invited me into her bed, then said that we're not going to do anything. So, I didn't even try, and we just talked and cuddled. FF to two years later, and we start dating, and she questioned why I didn't try anything that night. Like, duh. A lady says no, it means no. That is what I've had drilled into me as a male since I was a very young age. I'm so damn scared of being called for sexual harassment.
I'm very curious how that conversation continued after you said no means no.
She was surprised at my answer, because it wasn't what other guys would have done. I guess ultimately she respected it because we dated for a few years.
OK, if all you people over there are like this, and you still do have functional relationships, maybe I'm really just unlikable and don't constantly fail at reading the signs.
Or somehow only likable for the particular kind of women who communicate with signs only. There definitely, confidently were such cases, but!
Really hard to believe it's a cultural thing.
You did the right thing. I helped a lady friend move out from her husband's when they split. She didn't want to stay in a new apartment all alone, so I offered to spend the night on her couch. Well come time to bed down, she wanted me in her bed. Then she wanted to snuggle. Then she started rubbing her backside against my front.
Well I read the signs and we had sex. It was fine. Wind up dating for a bit. Like 3 weeks later we were talking about something and she lays on me, "I never said we could have sex so technically you raped me."
You do not fucking accuse someone of technically rape as playful banter. Things went awkward and downhill after that. Not solely because of that. She was not ready for a relationship that soon after splitting from her husband, but I was young and horny and too inexperienced to possess the level of maturity necessary to understand that.
Anyway, maybe if I had made sure to give her more time it would've gone better. Probably not. But I damn sure wouldn't have gotten accused of rape.
Technically she raped you too...
I'm not that technical. I was trying really hard to be a good guy but I definitely wanted to fuck her. That whole façade of maturity crumbled at my first opportunity.
It was all bullshit, technically and otherwise. But there's something about a woman looking at you and saying you raped her that undoes you. There was probably a time in my life after that when I was in danger of going full incel. But I didn't and here we are. We were both young and dumb and I'm sure she could never have known how deeply that cut.
Yeah... Puuh. That's not a normal thing to say. If it's dark humor, and said with irony, it might be perfectly fine, and even funny. Because then, they don't actually mean it. But, if they do mean it? Sheesh. You dodged a poison leaded bullet.
You did the right thing. She fumbled you.
So, you aren't worried about sexually assaulting somebody? You're just worried about being caught?
Oh fuck off, you not only knew what they meant, you're being awfully dismissive of what even a claim of sexual assault can do to a person.
What do you think being sexually assaulted can do to a person?
They clearly said they didn't sexually assault her
And they clearly said the reason why they didn't do it was because they didn't want to be "called for sexual harassment". Not because they respect women and consent, but because they didn't want to be caught.
Dude you're being purposefully obtuse and pedantic. It's super lame. Nobody enjoys a conversation with someone who purposefully misunderstands you then starts arguing about it.