mzesumzira

It sounds like that those therapy groups suck, honestly.

I've never tried groups, but I found a really amazing therapist so they exist, hope you find one who helps you.

Before that stroke of luck, I found a few books that helped me a lot with self sabotaging and other issues. If you're interested, I could share.

Best of luck out there.

Have you tried the fossify dialer?

Their whole set of apps is nice.

One of them is definitely Sync, don't know about others

How are they choosing the bear? Both of those are actively hostile towards women, they don't just "go their own way" to chill with the bear

They seem to have banned it

If there was a choice to make, I would give up smartphones entirely without a thought

If you like arch based, may I suggest you try Garuda?

It's a gaming distro, which I don't know if you care about, but it's very stable, should work with NVidia and has many quality of life features.

I think you can notice that I do actually slightly obsess about knowing myself too lol. How else I am to move forward if not by learning what makes me tick, eh? ^^

Preach, friend.

I think I can start to see a picture here.

Your direct environment may not have been hateful, but from your description the entire cultural setting, from language to customs, implanted some bias toward what is right and acceptable, or natural. It's a strong influence, and it frames the entire reality unless one goes out of their way to challenge it, as you did. Kudos for that.

I agree that rationally nothing is confusing, but if you grow up with a substructure that implies things should be a specific way, your emotions will follow that framework.

I see that in my country as well, and in myself still sometimes, as much as I try to counter it.

I agree that meeting and getting to know a trans person would probably help in that, especially since consciously you already know how things work. It may be difficult for the trans person though, even if you don't intend it to be. I'm sure you already know.

Thank you for your answer, and good luck in your slight obsession :)

I'm not sure why I'm bothering, since you attacked me out of nowhere and presumed a lot. I'm curious, I suppose.

Have I reflected upon the why of what? I reflected upon a lot, both about myself and others. I'm never repulsed by people, I sometimes get weirded out but I'm aware it's on me and try to adjust. I'm repulsed by behaviours, when they're actively hateful or violent, but I try my best to stay kind. I'm human, so sometimes I fail at that. I'm severely annoyed by anything illogical, as many neurodivergent people are, and again I'm aware it's on me and try to manage. I'm not above anything human, no one is.

I'm aware emotional reactions are not entirely controllable, and that's fine as long as you're aware and don't let them control you, which the person I actually was talking to seems to be doing fine.

Is that what you wanted to know? What about what I said triggered you so much you actually invented what I meant? Repulsion is indeed a strong reaction, it just is, there's no inherent judgement about who feels it in recognising that.

I'm sorry I didn't notice it wasn't you, I must have been tired. Glad you got I wasn't trying to judge, I'm neurodivergent and sometimes my communication is a bit off.

Since you're aware of it and actually try not to let it sway you towards hate, I suppose it's not that big of a deal, though I'm not trans so I could easily miss something here. I'm sorry about the dislikes too, though I understand why people have no patience in this regard, it gets tiresome to always fight and having to justify existing. Most possibly stopped reading at repulsed.

I would be majorly annoyed in your place, which is part of the reason I asked, but I'm quite obsessive in figuring out my internal working.

Mind if I ask some more? I'm also obsessed with understanding how people in general work, but I don't mean to bother and I apologize if this comes off as pushy.

If I understand correctly, you feel it unnatural as a concept. Have you ever actually met trans people? Often you can't even tell, but I suppose I sort of understand it can be confusing when you can. I would like to understand how it gets from confusing to repulsive though. Maybe something about the general climate more than your specific environment? It got quite violent recently, maybe you're sensitive to it? I get you don't know yourself, and again if this bothers you I apologize and I'll stop.

I've never said you were a bad person for it.

You seem busy defending yourself from yourself, I'll leave you to it.

You really are talking out of your ass. Have you ever actually looked into how trans care works? Because mental healthcare is very much a part of it.

Maybe we live in fantasy world, but you definitely live in propaganda world.