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[-] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

That's the thing, communicating stuff before you become upset. For example, my SO used to come from work exausted and used to lie down in the sofa, slept until night, then maybe grabbed some dinner or just slept straight until the next morning. Sometimes we didn't speak at all in 2 to 3 days because they woke up earlier than me, they then went to work in a hurry, no talking in work because work takes 200% of focus, and then come back home to their date with the sofa, and end up sleeping again before I finish my work.

Now we chat about our day at lunch even if we are not together and they vent about it whenever they can so that when they come back, I can make some time for them, and they also manage work stress way better than before so they don't come back utterly exhausted every day. Learning that they could not work in the field they were working and live to tell the tale and taking the time to change fields with my support helped a lot too. The situation mentioned above was before they were diagnosed and they just bruteforced the workday in a super toxic way for them and those around them (me).

[-] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago

Sorry if I implied I asked all those questions at once. It's more of a menu where I sometimes asked one or the other. My point was that they just communicated nothing once they broke down.

Alongside teaching them not to flood you with questions when you can't deal with them, remember to communicate what you can to them before you break down so that they don't feel helpless watching you break down without even being able to help or know what's going on.

As I answered in other comments, this happened mostly before my SO got diagnosed and didn't know how to deal with it, now with therapy we both deal better with it so I don't flood them and they don't leave me out of the loop of their needs and wants.

[-] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago

I'm guessing it's "JewsAgainstIsrael", given the current geopolitical context and the stance tankies usually have on that matter.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

Is there anything I can do for you?

That's usually on the menu of stuff that I said, and before they went to therapy it had no effect. You see, autistic people usually don't express how they feel because they themselves don't even realise it, and the only realise that they feel bad when they break down. My SO had to go to therapy to learn to identify cues and to learn how to express themselves a bit so that they could vent or ask for help before breaking down.

We've been together for a while so I usually know what they need or they tell me they feel bad way before breaking down, but let me tell you, it was a struggle early on sometimes. It's hard to see someone you love struggling, but not doing anything to improve because they don't realise they are hurting before it's too late, day by day, week by week. We didn't know they were on the spectrum either early in the relationship so... yeah.

I was just taking a jab to the meme because that tale of them expressing themselves correctly is not true at all. xD The amount of stuff my SO used to describe as "thing", multiple times in the same sentence, and assume that I would understand what they meant because of the 5 mental leaps they did in their head that gave them and them only the context needed to know what those "things"s were, and since they understood that meant that I did, obviously... It was quite funny at times.

[-] [email protected] 13 points 1 day ago

but... this is not the math you see at STEM, this is the math you see at high school at best. There's no deeper meaning in actual STEM math problems, they are way too abstract or specific. There's no watermelons, it's just some a, b, n1, nk... maybe some physics formulas that apply to velocity, mass... I read 0 problems in my uni math and physics courses where they used real world examples.

I see your point but that's for high schoolers, not STEM students or alumnus.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

It's hard to feel heard when all you communicate is "It hurts", that doesn't really qualify and venting or letting the feelings out.

It's quite curious the amount of comments I've gotten about people telling me that they just wanting to vent, no shit. Venting usually means... talking, me putting the ear so the other person can talk and vent. I didn't summarise what they said when they complained in my comment, that was literally it.

After going to therapy they have gotten much better at expressing their complaints so that they can let out their frustrations. The thing is, autistic people have a hard time knowing how they feel, so venting is actually hard for them, that's why I was asking questions to help them identify why they felt how they felt and help them know which kind of emotions they should let out. Don't worry, if I'm going overboard they have no issue in telling me to stop now. It's been a long journey but after all this time, I usually end up telling them how they feel so they can vent because I do know them well after these years 😅.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

Of course that it seems an interrogation of you imagine me saying all those questions one after each other. That's just how I phrased the question. The problem is that they simply used to not express their needs and wants before they got to the point where they just couldn't do it. Mind you, this was way before they started going to therapy and they are getting way better at expressing their needs and wants now so that they don't break down too often.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

And that's okay, but that's not what has been described here. Being the vent ear is cool too, the point where it gets frustrating is when their vent method is to just be completely exhausted and lie down in the sofa until tomorrow when they get exhausted again and repeat... I have to force down some healthier avenues for them to vent and prepare themselves so that they don't get perma exhausted in work, it just takes some work and some guessing of what they need from my part, because they sure don't communicate when tired.

[-] [email protected] 63 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

SO: my head hurts
Me: Where in the head? Anynreason why? Did you hit something? anything that might have caused it so we can buy some medicine or I can cook you something or whatever.
SO: idk, it just hurts, imma lie down.

SO: I'm cold, I'm gonna take a hot shower.
Me: have you tried wearing bulkier clothes? A blanket?
SO: no. takes the third shower of the day $$ Me (later that day or in another day): force them to wear more clothes and throw a blanket at them in their chair SO: oh, this is nice uses the blanket every day now

Me: How was your day?
SO: Bad.
Me: Anything out of the ordinary that you want to share to share the pain?
SO: No, its just bad.
Me: Do you want to watch anything, eat anything special?
SO: imma lie down.

Sorry but no, i know that they aren't vague intentionally but they are not clear at all when expressing their needs.

[-] [email protected] 0 points 1 day ago

That nose is too inefficient.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

It's the only desktop client that has "read on scroll" so it's a painful necessity. I'm not using that for my phone though, ugly IOS interface.

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Thanks to /u/[email protected] for mentioning KDE window rules. In KDE, we can add rules for windows so that they behave in specific ways. One rule that can be added is the position: remember rule, and it's possible to make that rule apply to all windows by removing the match field. This way, closing and reopening windows keeps them where they were.

This is a very typical complaint about wayland that a lot of people have, something that apparently worked natively with X11 and annoyed me to no end since I had to position all the windows every day when logging into my desktop. No more! I hope this helps :)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]


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