Tiffany1994

ie

• Whenever I see a homeless person I give them a lot of money

• I don't say no, I say yes and put my discomfort for anything aside, other people's wants are more important than my feelings

• I'm very agreeable

• I do odd jobs for people, even those who don't like me, and even if I'm exhausted

• I feel really guilty if I mess up even slightly on something and I'll apologise and let them know I am sorry for messing up

• Constantly battling my instincts and my entire personality feels like it's being filtered

I still feel bad and like it's all not enough. It's as if something's missing, but I don't know what that something is. Is this normal? Sometimes I think "fuck it, I'm bad, probably was born bad, why don't I do other bad things as well since that's what everyone expects of me now" but I push those intrusive thoughts aside.

My mom has a type of cancer now, and I keep thinking of how different things could've been if my parents were still together. I've always felt like a bad person and I'm constantly trying to redeem myself. hell I can't even say no to people even if I disagree or don't want something and am constantly apologising.

A few days ago, I watched this short documentary, part of it covered Heliobiology, which the documentary said is an emerging field of science that began in Russia.

The Heliobiologists claimed that magnetic storms caused by solar flares cause all kinds of health problems in humans. Literally every health problem is named, from suicides, to heart attacks, to even terrorist attacks.

After Googling this and looking at some papers, I noticed a few things.

• The papers find correlations between magnetic storms and some kind of negative health effect, and go on to heavily imply or say that negative health effect is caused by the magnetic storms.

• Magnetism is always blamed as the factor causing these negative health effects (not radiation), but the papers don't go into detail. I saw one saying that since blood is magnetic, magnetic storms can cause heart attacks by disrupting blood flow.

• Most of the papers I read on this mention "Schumann resonances", and sometimes "pineal gland" crystals.

• Most of the papers are brand new, within the last few years.

Created a new account to post this, since I don't really want to post too personal stuff on my main.

I've been single for a long time, and I've felt lonely for a lot of my life. I have a thing about saying no, or more specifically, I don't like saying no to people, even if I disagree or don't want it. When I was little I was responsible for splitting my parents up, and my dad hit me a lot because I was a "bad girl." I've long grown to associate myself as being bad, and someone who needs to do good to become better.

I also became chronically ill with a heart condition in my late teens which went undiagnosed for years. I wasn't able to be productive and that made me feel like more of a bad person, and I need to do even more to own up to it. I need to make up for being bad and become a good person. When he offered sex I just said yes despite the discomfort I actually felt, and let him do the thing. My mom and my sister went mad at me for it. I told them I'm pleasing him, I'm being a good girlfriend, setting aside my discomfort and being loyal to him and I told them that sometimes to be a good person you have to go through discomfort. I didn't want to look like a bad person by rejecting his offer.

I just don't want any arguments or fights, so I find it much easier to just agree with everything even if I don't actually feel that way.