Well put.
I think the desire for a national identity (Zionism) is fundamentally at odds with peaceful coexistence with neighbouring ethnic groups. Israel is definitely at a major disadvantage here. Most other ethnic groups have a "homeland" out of sheer geo-historical inertia. Though I wouldn't call it a completely unique situation. We see the tensions arise from the protection (or lack thereof) of national identity all over the world to lesser degrees, especially as globalization creeps in.
And I can empathize with groups that feel marginalized because of it. Though I think letting it boil over into violence is definitely a step too far.
Besides, geography as a means of cultural protectionism may be an outdated idea. We can't underestimate the importance of soft power for spreading cultural influence, and being in a state of constant conflict does not further that goal.
In summary, I think Israel's actions are rational at a tactical level, but ultimately fail to address the big picture you lay out.
Your logic is sound, but backwards.
Marriage is more analogous to a birthday. (A personal change in status)
Wedding is more analogous to a birthday party (i.e. the event celebrating the change in status).
As you pointed out in your logic, the birthday gift isn't really about the birthday party, just like the ring doesn't commemorate the wedding celebration, it commemorates your new marital status.
Unless of course you are the kind of person that is so focused on the wedding celebration that you forget the reason why you are celebrating to begin with (spoiler: you are making a commitment and entering a new life stage).
I think OP is on to something.