[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

My exfather deliberately cooked food I didn't like to prove I actually like it and just do it for attention. He's a trained chef. It started when I was three and only stopped when I moved out and stopped eating his meals.

[-] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago

The weirdest thing about this discourse is that people against it somehow seem to be very convinced self diagnosis is exclusively done based on internet memes or something along those lines. I spend years researching, reading multiple books by actual experts, reading scientific publications and hanging out in autism spaces to see if I fit in.

... Almost like somebody who tends to ... Oh idk have a special interest.

And the contra side also dismisses privilege. It's known that autism is under diagnosed in minorities. And things like I'd need to travel 5 hours (one way) multiple times to get a diagnosis. Potentially staying overnight. They'd want to talk to my abusive parents. I'm chronically ill. It's not realistic and I live in a country that has reasonable health care. I wouldn't magically be employable afterwards anyway or have some other tangible benefit. I'd just get somebody in a 15 € white coat tell me what I already know. Or dismiss me because they read me as the wrong gender and yolo autistic people don't have humor.

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submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

So I've followed Aaron Carter's public life since some time in 1998 and since his death I've tried to find a way to grieve my first parasocial relationship and understand what on earth went one with him, his life and his family.

It's slowly coalescing so now I need to get it out of my head by writing it down. I've chosen this community to share these random ramblings.

A short introduction about me: I come from a dysfunctional family. Aaron has helped me stay alive during my teenage years. Abusive people don't allow their offspring to develop an identity if they can help it. This was the one bit I clung to. Everybody made fun of me for it similar to how people made fun of early Justin Bieber fans. But this helped me hold on until I could get out. I stopped calling myself a fan around 2005 ish when I started to cotton on that Aaron liked to play the victim.

Figuring out Aaron Carter is so difficult because a) people in the entertainment business aren't known to be honest in general b) lies are a very common occurrence in drug addicts and dysfunctional families and c) the Carters in particular are very obviously changing their stories all the time. Figuring out what is actually true, what was hidden and what is a lie is thus difficult. As a result I tend to watch how all the Carters act around each other and look for stories being corrobated ideally by multiple family members multiple times.

Aaron himself has been known to lie in interviews when he was 9 already. His mother Jane complained about this in the fan book she wrote about her son 3 years later. In the beginning it was obvious lies. Aaron claimed he already broke his fingers multiple times and the draconian punishment dealt by his mother. Quickly corrected by Jane.

Even back in the 90s these stories always were about medical issues or perceived slights. And it shows how normal lying was in this family. The irony of Jane complaining about Aaron lying still is something to behold.

But three stories from this time do stick out. The first is about a scar Aaron had above his nose. Apparently toddler Aaron was unsupervised when he fell into a pool and barely survived. Jane has corroborated this story. What sticks out is that when telling the story Nick is always framed as the one who should have watched Aaron. Nick was all of 10? 12? Even this early on Nick was made to carry adult responsibilities and no one in the family questions where the actual parents were.

Another story that sticks out is that Aaron said in multiple interviews his mother was strict without elaborating. Indeed in the first home video that was commercially released Aaron is seen goofing off with everyone but Jane. I think that was his 10 year old way of verbalising being verbally and emotionally abused and the very demanding way of being worked like an adult. A former moderator once saw Jane yell at and manhandle Aaron before a concert when he didn't want to do the show. He did do the show not showing any signs of turmoil. 10 years old and well versed in hiding his emotions and pretending to enjoy it. A skill sadly familiar to me as well. How much worse it must be when there's thousands of people cheering you on like this.

The third story that sticks out is that Aaron often said he and Nick had playful fights. Jane disapproved but Aaron back then always said it was in good fun. And early on Aaron and Nicks relationship when seen in public was filled with mutual teasing, cuddles, hugs, Aaron clearly looking up to Nick and Nick often playing the role of a parent still by teaching Aaron various skills and looking out for him. There seems to have been a growing rivalry between the brothers that wasn't as well publicised.

All 5 Carter siblings also say their communication was always dysfunctional. The father Bob ruled by fear, apparently he randomly shot his gun into the air at times, the parents fought in front of the children and angrily demanded the children pick one parent over another in a divorce that wouldn't come for a few more years. Both Jane and Bob had a history with drugs already. In the House of Carter show we certainly see the siblings as adults with no conflict solution skills other than to yell at each other and occasionally become violent.

Bob seems to have been a very absentee father. Jane went hard on getting her sons into musical education hoping to turn them into famous singers early on. Bob did not agree, the lessions were too expensive. Jane clesrly won out tho and Nick was grateful for the early encouragement even after he be came estranged from Jane. Throughout the early careers of both sons Bob tends to stay home and avoid the media while Jane pushed especially Aarons career hard in classic stage mom fashion.

From what little we've seen from Bob I always wondered about how he felt about not being the main breadwinner in the family. Somebody who rules by fear doesn't tend to rejoice when their victims get fanatic levels of encouragement and a fleet of managers, bodyguards and minders. But clearly in the end he enjoyed the money too much to sabotage it.

He also was home with three daughters with no fellow adult to mitigate his worst behaviour. There's bitter claims about Bob sexually abusing middle daughter Leslie and/or Aaron. When Bob visited on House of Carters Leslie certainly does not react like a daddy's girl.

To be continued. Maybe.

[-] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago

Dodo had all her teeth pulled because of this too. Nerve wrecking but she seems rather well adjusted now. 💚

May buster live pain free now!

[-] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I love this post idea!

I've recently commited the unforgivable crime of leaving Dodo for two nights. She had other favorite two leggers show up but how dare!!! When I came back she tried very hard to be mad at me but she just loves cuddles too much.

For your champ: have you tried anti anxiety music for dogs? It's free on YouTube and Dodo likes the cat variety a lot.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

I have two chronic illnesses. Hashimoto, an autoimmune disorder affecting the thyroid and endometriosis, a VERY painful under researched condition that for me affects the lower belly.

I've researched the shit out of both conditions in a way that autistic people with a biology degree do. I follow the TH1/TH2 immune imbalance research to support my immune system via foods that balance this (avoid peanuts, mushrooms, melissa (the plant, I hope thats the English name), eat tomatoes, onions, turmeric, garlic). Also gluten triggers my autoimmune response. No gluten for me.

As a result my thyroid looks A LOT healthier than it should be at this stage and still has retained a good bit of functionality. Which is a minor miracle.

For endometriosis I'm lucky enough that the visanne pill works for me. That in addition to avoiding estrogen in food means I'm nearly pain free. There's some people for whom nothing helps, they've had dozens of surgeries and they still often enough can't think straight due to pain. Being comparatively pain free is at least a medium sized miracle.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

That wasn't my point.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Germany enters the chat.

[-] [email protected] 56 points 3 months ago

Personally I find it a lot more disturbing that intersex babies are still assgined a binary gender by a doctor and then get surgery to shape their genitals. The parents are often scaremongered and pressured into consenting and the affected people don't know it was done to them until firmly into adulthood. It's often a sterilising surgery too.

If you are against doctors doing gender changing surgery, please start with the babies? But oh no! Then the argument that there are only two genders falls apart.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

True. But I'd also like to see a reduction of seemingly general purpose down voting. There seem to be users who do nothing but down vote everything in sight.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago
[-] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

It depends a lot on the situation. My exparents lived with my paternal exgrandparents until I was 8. Completely seperate households tho. Just in the same house.

If theres a partner and kids it's important that everyone negotiates boundaries and communicates well. If it's one household the chores and finances need to be shared in a way that works and so on.

Personally I moved out as early as I could because these people are abusive. I find it awe inspiring that you manage to coexist peacefully when everyone is an adult. If it works for you it works for you. In many cultures living with your parents is normal. I think worrying about what other people think, those that won't pay your rent and don't interact with your family isn't productive. You're the one who has to live with the decisions you make.

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Pandoras_Can_Opener

joined 1 year ago