Antiwork

Remember... these are the oh-so-smart Richie Riches that gets to be the de facto ruling elites in our capitalism-addled society.

I feel really bad for the lungs of all the Angelinos who don't deserve this, but I can't say I haven't enjoyed the fact that this fire is centered around an area where a bunch of rich fucks have their mansions.

Oh look! It's time to play "Fire, Water, Burn" by the Bloodhound Gang on maximum volume again.

We don't need no water let the mother fucker burn

Burn motherfucker, burn

Ancient Rome had privatized fire department. Caesar's friend Crassus got the job and used it to extort people to sell their homes in a neighborhood when a fire broke out. As a result he became one of the richest people in history. He was also killed by the Persians who poured liquid gold (or silver, depending on source) on his decapitated head and sent it back to Rome.

Awwww he deleted his account. Or maybe it burned down too.

from another billionaire experiencing the "hung" part of "hung by his own petard" and ...

he is the finance chair of the Los Angeles Police Foundation as well as a Reserve LAPD police officer.

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me.

FYI, in The United States ALL FIREFIGHTERS were private, and would demand to be paid BEFORE putting out a fire on private property or a business. Private Fire Brigades were the only "proffessional" firefighting available and if you didn't have the case your shit burned. Private Fire Brigades would often go to war with each other with fists, knives, and firearms over the right to collect duty and fight a particular fire.

this sounds like some libertarian ass shit

Just here to point out the irony that this guy is called "Waterman" (in German, though one 'n' was dropped somewhere)

(supposed to be Crassus according to wikipedia, who was a roman that was infamous for, among other things, having a private fire brigade that would take financial advantage of people whose homes were burning)

He also doesn’t want to pay property taxes, and for what little it’s worth, he drives a cybertruck/wankpanzer.

Name any price eh? Someone is going to learn very quickly, why public services exist.