A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
Let's check what the Bible has to say about this.
Genesis 38:9-10
- But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother.
- What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.
But was it the pulling out part or the sleeping with his brothers wife part?
Spilling his seed on the floor. Can’t get them floors dirty!
taking notes
Do not.. cum.. on the ground..
So its like the lava game then. But for your dick.
Is cumming on the bedside table alright with the Lord?
Just as long as you don't use the Lord's denture cup
Idk but definitely not under your desk. He hates that
No. Only the face. Or the neck, for the holy pearly necklace.
His dad was asking him to impregnate his brother's widow but he's like nah I'll just screw her for fun. So he dies...
Then later she disguises herself as a prostitute, and gets pregnant by his dad. Apparently this is okay...
I have so many questions about that disguise
She just covered her face... I mean I guess he hadn't seen her for years but still, it seems like he should have recognized her voice at least.
Although in Genesis 27 Isaac tricks his father into thinking he is his brother by putting goat skins on his hands and neck.
I guess old men were easily tricked back then.
Basically it was just a beard.
Sweet home Judeabama.
Pulling out is now a felony in Alabama
jerking too?
No that's a misdemeanor. But only if you demonstrate intent. Up to the police to decide.
🎶
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate
🎶
Was thinking about men who self-pleasure, but they’re men. If they want wage slaves badly enough, will they resort to Old Testament rules wrt this? A lot of already born are going to suffer and die, either way.
Damn I ate this for about ten seconds. The onion should not be so damn believable.
Same, there's been so much crazy shit lately I was 100% ready to believe this. Glad to be wrong
For now.
Don't give them any ideas.