Melbourne

i think my upbringing is messing me up atm.

Old man was/is a sub specialist looking after acute disease / end of life stuff. Emotion is completely out the window when it comes to care (shit needs to get done with a clear mind). I was on the phone from about 13yo speaking to these patients when he wasn't home (which was a lot) and all I could do was listen to that fear. They just wanted someone to hear them (emotionally). Used to go on rounds with him and he has a very good bed side manner, but once out of the room back into get shit done mode.

Seeing mum in her chair just staring at the ground depressed is heartbreaking. Asking me to read texts from buds is heartbreaking. Her telling me the old man hasn't said a nice word since (he's in doc mode) is rough. I'm sort of caught between being someone she can speak to with emotion, but then I have to switch my own on and off depending on what needs to happen. When you leave the room it's a tidal wave of the realisation of a new reality for her.

All my discussions with the old man are clinical (and it needs to be), but I can see a few cracks in his demeanour which is.. unusual and.. heartbreaking (and telling).

I don't really have hope that her vision will recover beyond where it is now. But flipping emotion on and off like this is something I've never done.

I always wanted a turkey baster and thanks to Aldi I now have one.

Ps. When I typed in baster it automatically typed in bastard.

So it’s no secret here that I’m on thin ice at work and work is on thin ice with me. I think that ice is going to crack on both sides when I ask for an extra week off after the Christmas break.

Beep Beep 🚚
🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍈🫐🍓🍇🍉🍌🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥦🥑🫛🍆🍅🥝🥬🥒🌽🥕🥐🍠🫚🥔🧅🥯🍞🥖🥨🧀🧇🥞🧈🍳🥚🥓🥩🍗🍖🫓🍕🍟🍔🌭🥙🧆🌮🌯🥗🍲🍜🍝🥘🍛🍣🍱🥟🦪🍥🍘🍚🍙🐠🍤🪼🦀🐙 🍗🥮🍢🍡🍧🍰🧁🥧🍦🍨🎂🍮🍭🍬🍫🥜🌰🍪🍿🍯🥛☕️🍵🍺🍶🥤🧋🧃🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹🧉🔋

strange nightmares, first I was looking for a new place to live but the place was strange and had public toilets

second someone went out and got some recreational drugs to use. I cried.

ABC news has a story that Alan Jones has been arrested on indecent assault charges spanning 20 years. About time.

I'm going to try to squeeze one more day of leave from work. Considering I'm not taking a break over Xmas, I feel like 4 days of leave isn't a huge deal.

Let's see what happens lol

Yesterday my dad called me a loser because I am underemployed right now. I am looking for another job that fits with the uni break, asking managers for more shifts, trying to better myself by actually having hobbies for once in my life and doing things with friends. Yeah, I still don't wake up super early, and yeah, I'm not happy with my life either, but I feel like I'm getting somewhere, after years of fighting battles in my mind and making shitty decisions.

Then you've got my twin sister who has had a full-time job even when she was studying, has a mortgage and her life is work, and she can get through each day without having to reassure herself that she's going to be fine. Most people my age aren't lucky enough to be in this position, but somehow this is the standard I'm expected to uphold. No one says it, but just by the way people in my life baby me around, I can tell that that's the way they want me to be.

/ end vent with lots of cognitive distortions

If bowling for soup wrote 1985 today with the same time gap it'd be about 2005. So someone made that song.

If ya'll need to take a moment I dont blame you.

Used airtasker for the first time today. Damn this is useful and convenient! Listed The Couch of Doom to be removed for a pretty reasonable price and 4 offers within 45 minutes. Now booked in to be taken tonight by someone who seems really lovely and will actually use it too and not just take it to the tip. Sure the connection fee is pricey but the stress relief is monumental...

I've put together everything that the movers need to take away now - just need to give the fridge and tv console a wipe down. Let's hope to fuck that they can actually carry everything up to the new place with its narrow staircase, I will be fucked if they can't fit it in (I guess airtasker to the rescue again to take stuff off the footpath asap 😂)

Yesterday I was in my lounge room and I heard water running so I cocked my head, went into the kitchen and realised FUCK ITS THE LAUNDRY. So I sprint in there and turn the tap off. My washing machine had sprung a leak. First thing i did was take off my socks because ick. Water everywhere. Luckily it didn't reach the hallway carpet. Cleaned it up. There was swearing but atleast I know I run towards danger, didn't panic and my hearing is still good.

Good news is I defrosted my freezer so I get to pack it with frozen goods from Aldi today.

I am okay, promise. It was a M O M E N T due to the vast amounts of alcohol I had.

But, went back home with my cousin and kept going till 3am with jaegermeister on ice 😱

My head hurts and hates me

I have an assignment due today that I haven't even started, so I'm getting lots of cleaning done 🤣

Woke up today in a panic.

I totally forgot to turn on all my alarms again after taking the day off on Friday.

Thank god I woke up when I did but I'm a little worse for wear today, I think hayfever has gotten a hold of me and the headache I had yesterday didn't help.

Anyway on with today!