Comments here are ignoring we only have this guys extremely biased view of this situation and are saying "leading him on" was cruel again big assumption.
this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2024
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You mean we have this guy's extremely biased view on this completely made up situation?
A lot of women just like the attention they get from being attractive.
A lot of ~~women~~ people just like ~~the~~ attention ~~they get from being attractive~~.
I don't get why anon believes he is being used. It was a miscommunication, sure. Did he spend money on her before this? Using him as a ride to go on a hike? Hikes being extremely cheap and only needing to pay parking, usually.
Yeah, no harm done, but she'd been leading him on for weeks. That'd make me pissed too.
You know you only have his side of this story right?
Speak for yourself
I don't necessarily agree she was leading him on. It was a miscommunication. It's an extremely common story if men misinterpreting women's behavior as pursuit when it is often just friendly. Even then, platonic flirting is a thing. If anon really intended for this to be a date, why did he at no point ask if she was single? We can sit here all day and debate whether the girl's "flirting" was appropriate or not and whether she should've said she had a boyfriend, but it goes both ways. What we do know is that, to anon, this was a date and that anon never asked if she was single at any point in the two weeks.
I don't disagree with you that anon should've asked more questions, but platonic flirting is kinda wacky without a well established rapport beforehand. Otherwise it's just flirting, and can be confusing.
Or she genuinely wanted a friend and anon is so attention starved he can't see the difference.
I wouldn't want to go back to that awkward situation either.
Oh, come on. Weeks of talking and flirting (coworkers agreed) and she never mentioned a boyfriend. To be painfully clear, this isn't a gender thing and anyone can lead someone else on to stroke their own ego. And that's what this is (if it happened).
Welcome Anon to the confusing gameshow of "Is she flirting or is that just how she is with friends!" /s
I kinda want to know what Anon and his "female coworkers" thinks counts as flirting. Simply being nice to someone and having fun talking to them isn't flirting, as much as some guys might like to think it is. Now if she was a more touchy person, I can see how that'd be mistaken, as being touchy is also a common way of flirting.
Though find it odd that she waited until the very last minute to ask if her boyfriend could come. And also, guessing "I'm no longer interested" is paraphrased, cause nobody on 4Chan is mature enough to not make things incredibly uncomfortable at work after this.
And also, guessing "I'm no longer interested" is paraphrased, cause nobody on 4Chan is mature enough to not make things incredibly uncomfortable at work after this.
If maturity is the argument, there are several different options I'd be considering:
- Nobody on 4chan is mature enough to work
- Nobody on 4chan is mature enough to not have already made things incredibly uncomfortable at work
- Nobody on 4chan is mature enough to detect flirting
- Nobody on 4chan is mature enough to ask a coworker out
- Nobody on 4chan is mature enough to have hiking as a hobby/date proposal
- Nobody on 4chan is mature enough to not just reply "yeah sure" to the boyfriend idea
I'm reading a green text post here, and then the comments are analysing the situation as if this is r/amitheasshole. What's going on Lemmy?
The post ends with "so did I win?" Which is EXTREMELY similar to asking people if you're the asshole. Why do you find it surprising people are treating this like an r/aita post?
It's like this on every greentext post. Everyone immediately assumes the OP is a creepy loser and drags them through the mud.
To be fair, that's likely the case.
Lemmy has a unique community. Lots of thinkers. Personally, I love reading when people start seriously interpreting greentexts.
hahaha 🍵
I'll never understand how difficult people make things by not being forthright and making things awkward:
"Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend?"
"...I think there's been a misunderstanding. I had asked you on a hike as a fun first date, I didn't realize you had a boyfriend. I'm going to bow out of this, but I can give you the hike info if you want to take him." And then you laugh about the misunderstanding the next work day, and keep things at work from then on. No reason for it to get bad. Flirting is still fun! Just leave it at that without expecting anything more.
Don't flirt with someone single if you're not interested, don't flirt with someone in a relationship if you're not interesting in breaking it.
It's just that simple.
I wonder if you have a different definition of flirting, because the end goal of flirting is not necessarily to gain a relationship.
Unless you make it extremely clear from the get go that it's just for fun then flirting with someone you're not interested in is risky and even if it was made clear, there's always a risk something will develop on one side.
It's never this cut and dry in real life though. People often misinterpret others' actions as flirting when they're just being friendly. For some people, a woman smiling and making eye contact is flirting. It's not on the person who's being friendly "to make it extremely clear from the get go" that they aren't interested in going out with you. It was on anon to ask this woman if she was single if he wanted to ask her out
Idk, unless you make it extremely clear from the get go that you're treating an event as a date you shouldn't be mad if the other person has a partner especially if you never asked if they were single.
Life is risky.
yeah, flirting for fun can be ... fun, but obviously OOP wasn't te only one to read more into that. There's a line between "platonic" flirting and getting someone's hopes up.
I just find it hard to agree with because at no point did anon ask if she was single. He assumed it because he thought she was flirting. He even went so far to ask her on a date.
Ah, sorry, I thought you were single and that this would be a fun first date. My mistake, and enjoy the hike w/your boyfriend.
Nothing wrong with that. Mistakes happen, and the ability to clarify them and work well together afterwards is more important than not making mistakes.
Miscomunications can happen. She probably wasn't aware that what she meant as friendly behviour was comming across as serious flirting to other people. No need to instantly suspect malice, she was obviously shocked and shamed by the result, so much so that she quit her job, which seems rather extreme to me.
Some people think flirting means they want more.
"Why can't men understand hints?"
I'm starting to think: it was a dumb attempt to say 'anon, wanna become bf?' since he's the only other person going, but landed badly.
Or it's fake and gay.
2 weeks is just not that deep. seems like the woman just wants some friends. weird to bring your bf along but op shouldn't have assumed date
Yeah, how could he have taken the hints? So presumptuous of him. She must've brought up her boyfriend so often and he just ignored it. /s
"I always do things by myself"
"I have a boyfriend"
So... Which is it???
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