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Man 'beats up 7 monks' in rural monastery rampage while declaring himself Jesus (www.mirror.co.uk)

submitted 22 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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A brutal series of attacks at a rural monastery in Spain over the weekend has left several people injured, after an assailant reportedly broke in and declared "I am Jesus Christ and I am going to kill the monks." Following a lengthy search of the countryside around Valencia, police have arrested a man on suspicion of carrying out the vicious attack, which left a 76-year-old man fighting for his life.

Initial reports on Saturday indicated that a Catholic Bishop had been killed during the violent rampage, during which the assailant is alleged to have used a historical artefact, as well as a glass bottle, to attack monks at the monastery. However, emergency services have since confirmed that no one died, but one individual remains in a critical condition in hospital following the assault

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

GTA 6 is going to have to work really hard to top the current reality.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Screw gta, this is something out of postal.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 hours ago

The monks should have signed his petition

[–] [email protected] 9 points 14 hours ago

Religion, the eternal mental illness.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

It's a fighting Jesus then

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 hours ago

He's not the Jesus we want, but he's the Jesus we need

[–] [email protected] 10 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Strange how if you search for another source rather than clicking an utter shitrag like The Mirror, every single result is by an utter fucking shitrag

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/spain-friars-killed-injured-monastery/

https://elpais.com/espana/2024-11-10/detenido-el-autor-del-ataque-que-dejo-a-siete-monjes-heridos-en-el-monasterio-de-gilet.html - El País is considered a newspaper of record, the automated translation isn't too bad.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 19 hours ago

Dunno about you but I believe him

[–] [email protected] 9 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

This makes me wanna go have fisticuffs with this Jesus guy declaring myself Methuselah. Get him in a headlock and demand he bless me.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 17 hours ago

“Jesus tags in Herod the Great! Herod’s climbing the turnbuckles… he’s on the top rope… pauses a moment to get the crowd behind him… oh, he’s going for the elbow drop on Methuselah…!”

[–] [email protected] 3 points 21 hours ago

Welp. Title claimed.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 22 hours ago

Goddamn it Jesus you couldn't go do the money changers again? The banks my man not monks, the banks!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

I am intrigued as to what the "historical artefact" is.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

It just so happened to be the monastery that kept the cudgel of St. Patrick.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 18 hours ago

THAT’S what St. Patrick’s Day should be about.