this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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politics

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Summary

Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible. Carlson described waking with intense pain, bleeding claw marks, and an overwhelming urge to read the Bible. He recounted the experience as confusing yet transformative, adding that while he doesn’t expect others to believe him, the incident profoundly impacted him.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Weirdo. Through and through.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

It is what it is.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Dude that's called domestic abuse, and you probably deserved it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Maybe, but my first thought was defensive wounds

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

do not declaw those dogs

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Demons LOVE the Bible so this makes PERFECT Sense!

[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 month ago (3 children)

People are saying it's the dogs, but given that it's Tucker Carlson I think it's far more likely that he's just flat out lying.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

A new religion is born.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He should keep that between him and his woman. He doesn't need to lie to us. 🤷‍♂️

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Or between him and his dogs

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[–] [email protected] 83 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (11 children)

Hey, Christians who believe in demonic possession: How come it's only y'all getting possessed and not my heathen, atheist ass who literally invites the demons in?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

do the demons have large knots?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why do you think they're invited in?

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Your atheist ass is inviting people in you say?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Only demons are invited in this atheist ass

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Get me riled up and I can be quite fiendish

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

"Oh, Xerxes! Yeah!"

too deep voice "Ooh, this feelth thuper good!"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago
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[–] [email protected] 101 points 1 month ago (2 children)

How to explain away the signs of rough gay sex to your wife.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

How to explain away the signs of rough ~~gay~~ beastial sex to your wife.

FTFY

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

sleep paralysis combined with he sleeps with dogs and they have nails. next.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Sleep paralysis was likely what people would later claim to each other was a nighttime demon encounter back in the 1750s So it's accurate to Tucker and the GOP who just want to burn witches

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm worried that y'all don't know what lying is.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

he's just enough of a thumb that he legit might not know what dreams are tho

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

tl;dr: Comrade Carlson doesn't think he's getting enough attention lately.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

That's called a dream, guy.

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