this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2024
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Russian President Vladimir Putin has suffered an emabarassing setback as his feared Satan 2 nuclear arsenal failed four out of five missile tests, according to arms experts and satellite imagery from the launch site.

High-resolution satellite images of the launch pad at Russia's Plesetsk test site, where the RS-28 Sarmat intercontinental ballistic missile exploded, shows extensive damage.

A crater approximately 60 meters wide at the launch silo at the Plesetsk Cosmodrome in northern Russia, along with visible damage in the surrounding area that was not present in images taken earlier in the month.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (35 children)

Try to copy Ukrainian missile from 58 years ago

Fail

Second greatest military in the world!

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

sadtrumpet.wav

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Putin, the limpest dick in Russia.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Article including the satellite imagery of the site where the RS-28 Sarmat missile exploded:

https://arstechnica.com/space/2024/09/satellite-images-suggest-test-of-russian-super-weapon-failed-spectacularly/

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Ah yes, the moral military, the anti nazi military, the apparent good guys, according to tankies, use a weapon called the fucking SATAN

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Well, you can't pin that on Russia though. Their name for it is "Сармат". (Samaritan). The name Satan 2 comes from the predecessor R-36 missile, NATO nickname "SS-18 Satan".

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

RS-28 Sarmat is the russian name, satan is what nato nicknamed it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

They could ask help from their north Korean buddies

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (3 children)

It only needs to work once.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Not so sure. What if these 4/5 nukes explode on the launch pad? Even if this is in a remote area you'll cause some damage to your own country.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (8 children)

Yeah, this is the wildest headline. "Don't fear it, it only works 20% of the time!" Both the US and Russia have somewhere around 1700 known deployed nuclear warheads able to be launched from air, land, and sea. 20% is still 340 nuclear bombs, all of which are substantially larger than the ones dropped in Japan.

The fucking audacity to downplay nuclear war.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Satan 2: This time, it's personal.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Satan 3: Can't Get Fooled Again

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Satan 6.66: A rival from hell

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

why don't they just copy-paste the soyuz?

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Russia used to have some of the most advanced rocket science labs and physics programs in the world.

This is a truly sorry state of affairs for a country that has been strip mined from within.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

That’s one to few failed tests

[–] [email protected] 118 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I’m sorry the hwhat?!

I know that a nuke would literally create a hell on earth but there’s no way you can name the fucking thing Satan and not be the bad guy.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

That's why he named it Satan 2.

[–] [email protected] 148 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

They didn't. They named it "Sarmat".

NATO also had reporting names for Soviet weapons. IIRC surface-to-surface missiles start with "S". A few are rather...less-than complimentary, "Satan" -- the name used for the weapon that this replaces -- probably being the most so.

This missile doesn't have the reporting name "Satan 2" for NATO, though. The only link it has with the original surface-to-surface missile with the NATO reporting name "Satan" is that it's supposed to replace it and so Western media, which very much enjoyed mentioning "Satan" wherever possible, dubbed the new missile "Satan 2". But it's not an official name with NATO or Russia, just something that the media uses for the clicks.

The original missile:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R-36_%28missile%29#R-36M

The new one:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RS-28_Sarmat

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No wonder the media is using Satan II. NATO hasn't given it one or is just referring to it by number. I'd do the same thing if I was reporting on it.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (3 children)

They gave it one. It's just not as evocative as "Satan":

 NATO reporting name: SS-X-29 or SS-X-30

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

NATO hasn’t given it one or is just referring to it by number.

I'm not surprised the media went with Satan II.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Sounds like a Tesla model or one of Elon's kids.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Well they couldn’t very well call it the Sexy 29.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

No you can't, because Russia can't get it up!

I'll show myself out...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago
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[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Extremely angry at my military for naming it's unlimited genocide machine "Big Evil Monster" rather than "Widdle Fuzzy Bunny Wabbit".

Almost don't even want them to use it anymore.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Can just give it a simple code. We don’t need fun names for this stuff.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

We actually need the fun names. The point is that barely-educated Private Joe in the military remembers what it is and how it looks like, and does not mix it up with other things if he sees it.

It's not a nickname, it's an official reporting name.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Yeah, real scared.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

hopefully it gets towed outside the environment. before it removes the environment.

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[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Everyone said I was daft to build missile in Russia, but I built it all the same, just to show them. It blew up on the launchpad. So I built a second one. That blew up on the launchpad. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then blew up on the launchpad. But the fourth one stayed airborne! And that's what you're going to get lad, the stupidest named missile in all of Russia

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

What, the [Iron] Curtains?

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