this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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Comradeship // Freechat

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Hi, I'm new and lonely. (lemmygrad.ml)
submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Hi, I just discovered this site. I'm hoping to make some friends. I'm stuck at home and lonely. So I'll tell you a bit about myself. I'm cis female, ace. I've been having cancer treatment for quite a while and recently had a stroke. I'm going through a disability benefit appeal. All my friends drifted away when I got sick as I was no longer fun. The last time i saw my friends was at my 25th birthday party. I'm turning 41 this year. I've had no social life or offline companionship since then. I worked several jobs including fitness instructor and carer for the elderly, then went to university in my 20s to study philosophy. I had to drop out due to the side effects of my cancer meds.

My life now revolves around endless benefit assessments, last one I was awarded zero points and had my money stopped. I'm currently fighting it but now have no money at all and a maxxed out overdraft. Food bank access is awful so I'm starving constantly. I've been learning to walk again since the stroke. Previously I was sporty but now it's painful to even walk. So I wanted to take up art as a hobby, start learning to draw from scratch but I can't even afford paper and pencils.

So, life is awful. I need a distraction and someone to talk to. I used to talk to the people on a suicide pact forum (I've already made on attempt and often feel desperate enough to try again) but I just got banned from there for trying to sell my meds on there. Don't judge me please - I was only trying to do that out of financial desperation! So now I have literally no-one to talk to online or in real life.

Obviously I'm a leftist. I'm sick of this world where some people are billionaires while millions starve.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Welcome, new friend :)

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

<3. I'm available to chat. My background: Cis male 30s. Unemployed 3 years whilst doing therapy for cpsd, depression, anxiety, before this I worked in low paid jobs such as retail, restaurants, medical and fabrication.

Now I am an active member of a socialist party where we sell paper, dispense leaflets and show solidarity at pickets and demos.

Hobie's: diy, art, writing, movies, social studies, reading and computers.

Again feel free to reach out.

And sorry to hear what you have been going through.

Solidarity comrade.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Well, it seems it's about to get worse. Even if they reinstate my PIP (and they say the appeal might not be til February) they are talking about changing them to vouchers soon. That's no good to me, I need the cash to pay off my OD, buy food, pay for help around the house (can't do much since I became disabled.) It's really looking like suicide is going to be the only way out for me. I've met someone on a suicide pact forum and we're discussing methods and meeting up to help each other. Nothing is going to get better, neither in my life nor with promoting socialism. It's all pointless and I'm so tired of eing hungry and stressed all the time.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The Tories in red only seem to be making things worse, if I were you I'd be reaching out to citizens advice. They really helped me with money issues and told me what to do when handling debts like requesting a freeze, helped with pip and universal credit. Beyond that I have some Devon centric help lines I understand you may feel beyond help but like Lenin said of his brother, we're no good dead (probably poorly quieted).

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And you know what's even more insane? I developed vitamin deficiencies because of my lack of food, diagnosed by a doctor. The state's solution? prescribe me vitamin tablets on the NHS. So fucking stupid. They'll spend NHS money to treat the symptoms of deficiency but won't guarantee me enough money to live on so i don't get deficiencies in the first place.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Yea this is a head scratcher. In another post I commented how capitalism feels like a drawn out punishment, then on top of that we get further punished for being punished. Like currently I am bidding on social housing where once a week I must log into devonchoice.com /org to place fucking bids, if I stop I get removed from the programme, why not add me to a list. In two or however many years it takes give me a call and say "you made it to the bottom of the list, here's a flat for you" but again its a punishment and an arbitrary game.

We should have food programmes in Britain not banks but actual programmes that take from the capitalists forcefully to feed our most vulnerable.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

citizens advice are already helping with my claim. neither they nor macmillan nor churches nor anyone give a fuck about my food situation or will do anything to help. they all fob me off and pass me to the next organisation, saying it's their job to help. i just don't have the energy for this any more. It's exhausting enough having literal cancer treatment, never mind starving on top of that and continually having to search and beg for food on top of that. I can't keep doing this.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Fuck churches, they are always wanting something in return sly fuckers.
Are you on matrix chat? NHS mental health stuff has been similar, 2 years being tossed about but eventually I was put into a programme that worked for me and have meds that work for me. At the start it all felt so insurmountable as things often do, I hope you can make it to a similar point where ending isn't what you see as the only option.

Anyway I suffer with si and avoid the subject when I can.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

As far as churches, I'm finding more and more that humans are all the same. Whether Christian, socialist, literally any ideology. Most people with an ideology only want to talk about it and play at it, none of them really mean it. The bible teaches feeding those in need but not a single Christian helped me with food. Same with socialists honestly, everyone says "Hope you get it sorted comrade!" Like good wishes are going to feed me. Humans are just disingenuous creatures who want their ideology to make them feel good about themselves, but don't want to put any actual sacrifice in. I'm resigned to human nature now.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

only because people are bludgeon by capitalism, there's a phenomenon witnessed in abuse's where the abused can become the abuser to who ever is seen as beneath them, luckily most of the socialist in my personal life have been nothing but giving, allowing me to sofa surf while homeless, financial aid when I've been desperate and if i were in a position to- i would do the same for you. reach out in a few months when i should be entering back into work. right now i could link you up with your local Socialist Party branch, or i can tell you about Unite community the section of Unite union for out of work members, £3 a month they will support you in DWP / PIP and maybe even food. they are a union though and obviously its sometimes not possible to pay subs.

I’ve had 5 different therapies and 5 or 6 different antidepreessants. None worked. How can they? My problem is poverty and they won’t solve that. Therapy and meds won’t numb the hunger pangs or reduce the stress of impending homelessness.

just going to link this in. when i said about my experience it was less to do with the material and more so the outcome. you can't therapist your way out of an awful situation or take a drug that will fill you up. instead my point was i was law last years, i didn't have cancer or any serious health conditions so we are different in these regards, instead i was incredible lonely, i hated myself for being unable to hold down a job, keep a relationship, not drink to excess and many other things, even now i think low of myself with all the embarrassment that has been in my life. but since really joining a political party and building a social circle, as well as taking part in emotional regulation therapy i have gotten better, I'm still broke, unemployed with future job prospects looming over my head and the fear of relapse.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't even have £3. It sucks that you have to pay for everything in this life even help from fellow socialists.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

sadly saying socialism doesn't magic capitalism away, I pay my subs to 1: fund our movement and 2: to show my dedication. same goes for Unions, even in the transitional period we will still use money, some will still be better off than others but eventually these things will be a horrifying memory.

reach out in a few months, i should be in a position to help.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hey, welcome! I hope you find hope and support around here. :)

From each according to their skill, to each according to their needs!

We will get there. In the meantime we look for a way to survive and contribute to he cause I guess?

In the short term, are you looking for problem solving and advice, or just a safe space to vent?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm desperately looking for ways to keep myself fed. However none of the suggestions have been useful. "Dumpster dive" - all the dumpsters outside my local supermarket are locked. "Go to a sikh temple or a mosque" - I live in the English countryside, there is nothing like that here. People imagine it's easier to get free food than it is.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

For short term help you can probably- try to reach out to https://hexbear.net/c/mutual_aid or https://lemmygrad.ml/c/[email protected]. It's the same I'm not sure how to link.

It could buy you some time. I'm sorry I can't do much more.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm an occasionally psychotic (in the medical sense) agoraphobe with serious substance abuse issues. If that's not too offputting, I'm free to talk pretty much whenever.

I can relate to endless benefits assessments thing btw. They really do make you fight for every damn penny.

Don't lose hope.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And you never get as long an award period as they say before they start harassing you again. I had to go through a nearly year-long appeal last time. Eventually I was awarded for 4 years. Only, the appeal had taken nearly a year, so they knocked that time off. Then they're allowed to start assessing you again a year before the award ends. So the 4 years, was really, more like 2 before I had to go through all the stress of another assessment again. It's so stupid. Multiple doctors have written letters of support saying my condition likely won't improve.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Oh christ, you've really been through it with them then. You have my sympathies.

The whole system is pretty much designed to humiliate and punish those in need for seeking the minimum level of support. It's a hellish bureaucracy overseen and operated by the exact kind of people you'd see working as file clerks in some fascist government.

Multiple doctors have written letters of support saying my condition likely won't improve.

You'd think that'd be the end of it, but they'll continue to argue the case sometimes. I haven't had it that bad in comparison, but prior to my dad finally dying, they continually argued the toss about his deteriorating condition, including questioning if his mobility issues were really that serious/longterm (he'd lost a leg by that point).

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Hey! I live in Belgium and doing Marxist Econ research, plus doing library events on the side. Feel free to send me a message anytime too!

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Hi! I'm trying to undergo a recovery of my own. Would you like to chat? Studying philosophy sounds like an interesting discipline!

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hi, I'm also ace and have similar problems with loneliness(if family doesn't count), so if you wanna chat, I'm free all the time.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

I'd like that.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Sent a message.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hey! Welcome aboard! :)

I'm a physician in Spain, but I like to force myself to learn new things all the time (like languages, or one time that I took up a job as a programmer). I don't really enjoy anything outside of that and sport, so I may not be of much use if you want someone to talk with about books, TV series etc.

And speaking about books, do you like reading? Is there a public library or similar in your area?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I love reading. My favourite series include the Earth's Children series by Jean Auel, Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and the Haunted Liverpool series by Tom Slemen.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Cool! Books are an amazing source of knowledge and fun. I just got a (second hand) math book that another user recommended, and it's so far enthralling. Do you read Marxist books?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Hi, nice to see someone new around here! It's great to meet you.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Haiii 👋👋👋

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hey!

I'm Autistic, Latinx, and queer.

Wanna be friends?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sure!

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Do you live in Virginia? I'll send you a DM.

I want you to keep your privacy and be safe so we can sort-of feel each other out and see where we are so we can meet each other.

Frankly, I'm better than before mood-wise, but I'm still lonely as all fuck LMAO

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No I live in the UK.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Understandable.

Let's keep in touch, at least...

Are you Autistic as well?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't think so. Never been diagnosed anyway.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

You can self-diagnose based on the info available to you, but I getcha.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

also, I really like to recommend the WNBA to people. League Pass for every single team for the entire season is only $35, and there's an active Discord server for live chatting the games as well

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

I don't have a penny so that won't be something I can do.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I am also a shut-in who would like some like-minded friends. do you like movies? this community does a watch together of a couple movies with a live chat every evening. I find it's really good for human contact https://hexbear.net/post/3503953

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (2 children)

How does this work? Does everyone get the film off amazon or something and then discuss it later?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

no, you just go to the link in the post, the chat is up top and the video plays at the bottom.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I can link directly later if you need it but look for the Hexbear movie comm. They have a daily stickied post of 2 movies or some shows each night that they watch. It's a wide variety of stuff too.

They have a video share type site called hextube that you just join from the link in the sticky. They host the movie and you can watch and chat.

I hope things get better for you. Also Hexbear has mutual aid comm that you can get and ask for help with no strings attached.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Thanks I've just sent a request to join.