Asklemmy

My blanket on a very cold winter night

Me.

My wallet

I don't believe it's cursed at all, but my parents and older brother believe some small Japanese statue doll thing of a geisha (supposed to be holding a shamisen, but it's missing) that they ended up giving to me to store in my room is cursed. Since I don't think it's cursed, I have no issue holding onto it.

Showed up one day on the dinner table one day and I'm fairly certain my brother got it and was either too drunk or high on weed (or a combo of both) to remember picking it up while he was out. I don't believe him when he says he doesn't know where it came from.

Of course I know him, he's me

My USB cables exist in a quantum superposition where the orientation of the male end is only determined after I fail to plug it in on the first try.

Printer

I have a billiard break cue, it's hollow steel pipe with brass and galvanized fittings to screw it together. Based off the material, original colors, and general look it's probably from the early 70's.

Without fail, if a drunk person finds out it's hollow they get super weird about it. They hand it back like it's a writhing appendage, avoid using it when offered, even had a guy drop it like it was gonna bite him. Either way, I play better with it than I ever did before, and I gave it a gorgeous glossy crimson repaint.

My brain

I have a rusted knife in a badly tanned hide sheath from the early 1900s that an explorer in the family got from a tribe over Africa way (not sure of real geographical location). The thing is primitive and small but could probably be cursed. I don't have many items that'd fit the description

Myself.

The house I grew up in.

I've told this story before but the house was built in like 1976. A freak tornado came down and tore it down when it was 3/4 completed. The builders got the insurance and built it again and when they finished it it caught fire and burned to the ground.

The builders got the insurance and built it again and another tornado came through and destroyed it a week before it was supposed to be completed.

In pythonian fashion the fourth time it stayed up, but one night I was down in the basement doing laundry on a dark and stormy night and I saw a movement to my right. A man in a full trench coat and wide brimmed hat was standing next to the water heater. I screamed as any preteen boy would and the man walked around the water heater and dis a fucking peared.

I ran upstairs screaming there's a man in the basement there's a man in the basement and everyone came down to look and there was no man in the basement. The doors were bolted locked from the inside.

A few years later my mom built a room into the basement and turned it into an extra bedroom. My sister woke up one night with a woman clad in all white with long black hair holding her feet down and crying and crying and crying.

She screamed and the woman disappeared.

My mom still lives in that house and will probably die there. That house is fucking haunted and was haunted before it was ever built.

I've told this story before and my friends have said maybe it was built on an ancient Indian ground or something and to me that is hilarious because I am native American so why the fuck would they bother me?

When I was a kid, my mom either bought or was gifted a little plush snowman that would say "Happy holidays! Happy holidays!" When you squeezed it. It would maybe get squeezed a few times in December and then put in a bin until the following year. No one ever changed the batteries and it still worked each year for many years. Then it started to run out of juice. And slowly over each year it would sound more and more demonic, but it always played at least once before running out of power. It's now been more than 25 years and we still check it each year to see if the demonic snowman is still alive. I'm not sure it will ever die if it was never alive in the first place...

Easy. It's a dried and shellacked squid that has been posed in an artful, somehow bipedal and menacing position. I call it the creeping horror and keep it in an old wooden box.

Not really my taste, but it was a gift.

My In-Laws house has some BAD juju for sure.

-Had an uncle pass away in it

-Multiple pets run over in the driveway

-Bad experiences living there when we moved back home and we looking for a place

-Bonus Room flooded MULTIPLE due to MIL not understanding how retaining walls work.

Just a cursed place in general and I'm glad I'm nowhere near that house.

Every place I live, there will be this incident when a torrential deluge of water breaks through the ceiling of my bedroom in the middle of the night.

So it's not the bedroom itself that is cursed, since it is a different room each time. And the causes have varied also. The cursed object, therefore, must either be me or something in my possession I have kept around since childhood? Hmm…

cell phone

Edit for clarity: I believe this is a cursed object in general, not just mine.

A SNES I have that is so old it has yellowed with age (The yellow color is due to oxidation of the plastic that was used). I don't even know if it still works... 😭 The last game I played on it was Super Mario World and I experienced a corruption in which the screen went completely black and there was a rumbling sound in the background.

When I was a kid, my grandmother bought me a Steve Urkel doll from a garage sale. It had a pull string and would repeat Urkelisms from the TV show. The thing severely creeped me out, and felt completely cursed. So I lit it on fire with gasoline, then buried it in a shoebox.

I have an old Soviet mechanical wristwatch that cost 3€ on an Eastern German flea market.
Compared to other watches it sounds like a Diesel tractor, the bezel rotates freely and the wristband pulls my arm hair out.
When I wear it, it's too fast and when I don't wear it, it's too slow.

But I only wear it during the day and take it off at night, and that way it's been keeping perfect time for 15 years.