this post was submitted on 17 Oct 2023
1 points (100.0% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35764 readers
471 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

Something I've never been that great at is spontaneous conversation. I'm more than capable of public speaking if I've prepared something in advance. But if someone asks me something out of the blue, I really struggle to engage in deep conversation. Afterwards I'll think to myself damn, why didn't I bring up X or Y?

Half the time I don't know what to add and I struggle to think of what to say. Sometimes words feel like they're on the tip of my tongue and I can't get them out, especially when I'm under pressure. And in group conversations, I find it hard to interject when I do think of a point. By the time a natural break comes along, the conversation has moved on.

I'd love to get better at this. What can I do to improve?

top 6 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Know a little bit about a lot of things.

Conversation is about flow. Ask aquestion, get an answer, respond to that, they respond to you. If you know a little bit about a lot of things, and you always have some way to respond to what they've said.

But also learn to take the hint. If they're giving you one word answers, they may not want to be in the conversation.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A lot of conversation is about listening, not speaking. However, if you engage in active listening, you might find the speaker will look at you more, allowing you to add in your two cents.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

What do you mean by active listening exactly?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Bit of a left field suggestion but one thing that really helps is finding your people.

In my younger years I sometimes really struggled with casual conversation, I often felt like I was the weird guy who had nothing to say.

It turned out that was only really true when I was spending a lot of time with people with whom I had very little in common. As I got older I eventually found "my people". Friends who I click with, who I share values and interests with, who communicate similarly to me.

It's not about finding people who are just copies of you, that would be pretty boring and make for a real social echo chamber. You want a range of friends with different interests, from different walks of life. But you want them to be, for lack of a better term "compatible" with you.

If you happen to be neurodivergent then that adds a whooooole extra layer of complexity to conversational compatibility. There's a stereotype that autistic people are awkward or socially inept, which is complete rubbish. They just communicate differently to neurotypicals. Put a bunch of similar autistic people in a room together and watch them have no trouble at all making conversation with each other, in their own style.

Anyway, maybe this isn't relevant to you, and you're already happy with the people in your life. But it's worth taking the time to examine whether the reason you struggle to make conversation is because you're trying to make it with the wrong people.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The thing that cracked it open for me was Dale Carnegie "How to Make Friends and Influence People". It is very old fashioned but the core message is evergreen. People aren't interested in you. They are interested in themselves. The more you are interested in them the more interested they will be in you. They will eventually want to know what's on your mind but only because it's a mind that shares interest.

This sounds kind of manipulative because we are only doing it for attention. But the thing is people can smell that from a mile away. You actually have to BE interested and remember the things. You can't just pretend to listen or you will get the opposite effect.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

10/10 would recommend

I make new friends constantly just by being genuinely interested in them. I ask a question and while they talk I think of the next question and so on. Eventually, they show genuine interest in return.

It really works when used appropriately.