The Onion

Lol this is great! Landlords suck. Yeah they’ll try and convince you they’re doing you a favor, saving you from homelessness, but why would I be homeless if houses were affordable and I could just buy one myself?

Well first and foremost while state law provides a few protections for property owners as far as snow removal goes the current condition of our parking lots and walkways easily falls under the definition of neglect. I actually cleared a good section of the walkway myself the other week, and one of the many crews trying to get the HVAC systems working shoveled snow onto it. Oh and the guy who plows the parking lot well enough to make it look like he did it also hits parked cars. Elevator's broken, which is great since the lady in the handicap parking lives on the second floor. What's better is that rumor has it the reason the elevator is broken is that it has a hydraulic leak and the official maintenance guy, whom I was told I was complementing by calling him a handyman when I meant it as an insult, has solved this problem not by calling someone qualified but by continuing to add more hydraulic fluid. Some jackass doing hack shit to a fucking elevator is something I know is illegal. "Renovations" to the building are still ongoing and they make no attempt at dust mitigation for the sake of either the workers or the residents. I can keep going but it's basically slumlord shit in a relatively nice town.

I’m petty as hell. I would just ramble and ramble when I was on the phone with their lawyer. Was super polite to the guy, but he definitely billed double the time he likely needed to for such a small case thanks to my bloviating