Autism

Regarding not knowing what you like, I feel the same. I started doing a list this year of things I like, and now I can answer that question much better.

When you define yourself as having a problem then it means you have been fooled by the illusion of your thoughts. When you are thinking about your 'problems', you are not aware of yourself or your surroundings. Learn to live in the moment, don't let your mind dominate your life experience. Try meditation, walks in nature, learn a musical instrument, take up a martial art, exercise. Any activity that grounds you in the present experience. Cultivate this ability and your life will transform. Extend your abilities further by finding peace in the presence of others.

Thank you for the love and support all.

At some point I realized people often ask a question but don't really care about you answering that specifically. "How are you" -> actually I can just tell a story about a hobby related problem I'm working on, and not try to represent my emotional state.

I'm not sure if this is one of those cases, but I could see "what do you want for birthday dinner" as actually meaning "I want to do something nice for you" and if you'd rather pick the night's board game it might satisfy the exchange and make everyone just as happy. Though some people might really want to express care via cooking / feel it's important you engage on that topic.

I know exactly how you feel. Both the indecision, confusion even, over simple choices and the sense of sinking in quicksand - or better yet, as you say it, grasping for sand. I feel that often, both in terms of smaller moments and bigger-picture life direction stuff. And I also hate attention, so I hate birthdays.

I wish I had good advice, or could tell you that it will get better, but at least know that I know how you feel. I know it's not worth much, but you're not alone.

Seems like the eating thing is resolved, I can't really help you with the decision problems because I struggle with that as well (sometimes if I oscillate between two options I literally roll a dice) but if you feel sad and need to talk you can pm me :)

Sorry you feel that way. Just know that if you do choose something and tell her you’d like to have it for the birthday dinner, it doesn’t actually have to be something you love or like, your mom is just looking for some ideas and in the end whatever she puts together - either by your input or what she comes up with on her own, she’s making it with love and it will taste great. The dinner is less about the specific dish and it’s more a chance for her to share some time with you and give you some attention to show she loves you. It’s ok to be loved and ok to have some attention, especially from your mom.

You guys are family and she’s a person too and she loves her son. Let her know how you feel if you like, but remember she’s only doing what seems normal to her to celebrate the occasion with her son and maybe even make a positive happy memory or two for you both to look back on when you guys are apart again.

Going back home will probably make you regress a little too since it brings back a lot of feelings of childhood that you’ve now left behind, so keep that in mind because those can subconsciously affect you but if you try stay in the moment and see you mom as a person in your life that loves you and genuinely cares about you it can help.

All the best and Happy Birthday.

"I'm not picky Mom, but thanks so much for asking."