this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2024
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submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
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[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

After sending astronauts to space, the US realized their guillotines were useless. This was the 1960s—the height of the space race—so NASA spent an absurd amount of money to develop a guillotine that works in zero gravity. Rumored to cost at least $1 million (about $9 million in today’s dollars), the “space guillotine” can behead upside down, at extreme temperatures, and even underwater. This feat of American inventiveness allowed astronauts to be beheaded in space.

Faced with a similar problem, the Russians used a machete.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Magnets. Would serve as a useful upgrade here on earth, while making the guillotine space-compatible too.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Simply take away their space suit and expose them to the elements.

Let the universe take its natural course.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

That was my first though, shove them out the nearest airlock.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Strap some ullage motors to that badboy and there's your "gravity"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

A true upgrade in technology.

We aren't Neanderthals.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Even the choice of "Ground Control to Major Tom" during that publicly subsidized car commercial just screamed "this billionaire manchild has no literary analysis ability whatsoever."

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Media literacy is dead.

I know, I know, everyone's saying that, but it's true!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

We send guillotine blades in a stable orbit around the sun. The suns gravity and the vacuum of space will ensure that a decent speed will be kept for the next few million years.

Billionaires get disposed off by sending them into that orbit. Should't take too long.

Let's make out star system a guillotine!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

You could push the blade by releasing pressurized gas into the vacuum which is how rockets sometimes adjust themselves in flight.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Spring-loaded guillotines! Springs work independent of gravity.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Why not send billionaires into space?

I mean, literally, into space with just a car, maybe, at best?

No Moon, no Mars, no fucking Venus or Europa, just pure black space?

Let them starve to death in their space-suit, idk

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

E X A C T L Y