The Onion
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
If it doesn't kill me while sitting alone in it in a garage with it running ... is it even count as a car ?
stick a sword through the battery pack if you want toxic fumes
Betting 20 bucks that elon will add this to a tesla as a feature in the next 5 years
I mean I wouldn't trust the right not to drive a Cybertruck around with a burning tire on the hood purely for spite.
Come on Elon, give them what they really want:
CyberTruckNuts.
Variants: Realistic, 'Terminator', and DogeCoin.
... err, wait.
Do CyberTrucks even have tow hitches?
If not, fuck it, hang em on the rear view mirror.
I’m pretty sure a cybertruck would shatter if it tried to tow something
It certainly will if you shoot it with anything more powerful than 9x19mm...
HeavyDSparks did some towing comparisons with his Cyber versus his diesel trucks. The CT has no problem towing and speed wise absolutely rips even with a huge load. The problem is a common problem all vehicles have with towing... the aerodynamic drag of the load being towed, as well as having to pull uphill, tanks range.
All electrics have bad towing range, but Cybertrucks are the worse. Its aerodynamics funnel air towards the towing load, dropping the range down to 90 miles or so at an 11k lb load. This was during the winter, but was still abysmal.
So far, the new electric Silverado has the best towing range, but even that is 177 miles with the same load.
Jerryrigeverything has been doing towing tests of the electric trucks by hitching up his homemade electric Hummer.
I've always wanted to coal roll a Cybertruck. I hope it also has a rack for my AR-15.
I've seen a few of these where I live, and they are synonomus with big, ugly Trump flags at this point.
Other Tesla's are similar, but these ugly things are just love letters to Elon.
Cybertruck technicals would kinda be a vibe
The rack is an additional $1700
I thought freedom had to be made of metal, so it can ring?
Ha! Nicely done.
You jest, but sometimes I wonder if there would be a huge market for smoke and engine noise simulators. Given those are the two biggest things emanating from the parking lot car show, followed by sound systems, I do wonder…
Already are consumer cars with engine noise simulators on the road now.
Smoke simulators are still really niche, but I can see the same mentality behind truck nuts making this popular with a certain regressive crowd.
Wasn't there news a few years ago about a regular, ICE BMW with a speaker to add engine noise because the engine in it was too quiet?
I'm now imagining monster truck shows of the future completely silent; Truckosaurus gently nibbling on things.
I think there is a company that are makes electric motors that can behave like several ICE motors. I forgot the name though.
EDIT: Found it
Already exists, the Hyundai IONIQ 5N, and it looks really fun.
I think this is the future of electric sport cars. Especially if they make better, realistic engine sounds and allow you to pick which one you want. Like a v12 ferrari sound on your hyundai(or fiat).
engine noise simulators...
...with vibration and manual transmission simulators.
I usually derp around in my Honda Fit (gas) at 40-50mpg. My wife and I decided our next A-B car will likely be a hybrid. We're not certain as that decision is about 100k miles away.
But, when I want to have fun with my car there's no modern substitute for a gas V8 with good air & exhaust.
Hyundai IONIQ N
$66k. In the context of this conversation compare it to a stock Vette.
I dunno, feeling the way an electric car can accelerate is pretty slick.
Get your hands on a gas with a CVT (continuously variable transmission). It's the lack of gear shifts that feels pretty slick.
If it's environmentally responsible thrills you want then you may be better served by a gas motorcycle. My cheap, shitty 650 easily keeps up with the quad motor Teslas. It cost me $2.5k.
I'm not sure I'd call running a 650 engine as a form of entertainment environmentally friendly. Certainly moreso than buying a new car, electric or ICE, purely for entertainment, but you can't handwave away the current or previous environmental impact the vehicle had prior to the $2.5k you paid for it.
As soon as there's practical alternatives I'll take responsibility for the tiny bit of emissions I produce with my 1.6L and 0.65L.
Show me an electric car as reliable, repairable, and inexpensive as my $5k car or $2.5k bike. Or, buy me the environmentally responsible vehicle of your choice so I can sell it and buy myself another gas vehicle, and two more for those that need them and can't afford them.
My bad, I'm not into cars. I thought this was cubic inches, not centimeters. The energy requirements and emissions are definitely going to be lower for most bikes vs. most cars. I'm glad you're having fun in a fairly responsible way.
We Americans now use metric for engine displacement. If I were to guess why then the engineers insisted.
If the design is old enough it'll sometimes be referred to by it's cubic inch displacement. But, even then the terms seem to have been replaced. For example, a Chevy 350 is now more commonly referred to as a Chevy small block.
650 cubic inches is about 10L. For reference, here's a ridiculous picture of a Chevy small block (~6.0L) on a motorcycle, called a "boss hog".
You appear to have no idea about the difference in torque between an EV and conventional.
My first bachelor's is in ME - Auto. But, no degrees are necessary to understand F=MA. They started teaching it in high school in the 90s.
You’re being very condescending for someone that doesn’t seem to understand a crappy electric will deliver more low speed torque than most V8’s.
It’s not the CVT and smooth shifting, nor the power to mass. Nor is it introducing a completely different vehicle type because the commenter had identified the issue with your comment.
Even an entry level electric will pin people to the seat the moment the accelerator goes down, and it’ll keep them there until they’re no longer accelerating. To get that with a V8, you have to have good tires, a good powertrain, and a capable driver.
I’m not denying the possibility for a V8 to be “better” than an electric, but it’s much more expensive and skill dependent to get that from a V8.
Well, I suppose somebody has to be at the bottom of each class.
Ever run analytics on your post history? Then you'd have truth.
Best of luck.
Creep.