Asklemmy

Once when I was suicidal I got a lot of benefit from reading Hamlet’s soliloquy from Act 3, Scene 1:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

As someone who has been on the receiving end of multiple suicide notes, I do not advise this. Essentially, you’d be reading the notes of someone’s mind who decided to make a permanent solution to what really is a temporary phase/situation in their life. On top of that, no context behind the why and the trigger behind the decision (ie undiagnosed bipolar, and the words are coming out as someone who is experiencing a reeeeally bad episode).

There’s a lot to explore with what you expressed, and I totally get and can relate to shame and what some note as Shitty Life Syndrome (aka SLS); life sucks and you can’t get a break. If you wanna chat or just vent, I’m happy to lend my ears and even share my experience of dark days along with people in my life who have taken the suicide route (5 individuals total).

As for your request, I recently came across Campaign Against Living Miserable (CALM) and their YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/@thecalmzonenet) has tons of videos on those who have survived, and stories/videos of those who have not. You might find some solace there.

That’s my quick two cents. Feel free to reach out if you wanna chat more or if there’s anything you feel I can share, as this is an area I’ve had more life experience that I’d like, for better or worse.

I don’t think it would be a good idea to read those notes. These letters are written in a way to convince the reader that suicide is the only option and that seems to me a dangerous reading material for anyone who is not in a good place.

I have a whole playlist when I’m in a mood. Figured I’d share a few off of it.

Nate Good - 3D

Tech N9ne - Suicide Letters

Joyner Lucas - I’m Sorry

isitjosh - Am I The Only One

Productivity is completely unrelated to success imo. The only thing that matters is that you're happy with yourself and your life, maybe productivity is not what brings you joy?

even though i might indulge in activities that are pleasurable for me now, they add up to nothing

Those activities are just as valid as a productive activity, especially if they make you happier. Being productive is great, but I feel productive activities should never take precedence over non-productive ones simply because they're productive. Do what you have to do, but never sacrifice your own happiness at the altar of forward progress.

I've read a couple thousand for work, there's no utility or meaning to be gathered except some people have pretty shit lives and some people make very rash decisions (and accidentally chose high lethality methods).

I don't think I've ever read one that was like "to my family, I am sorry but I was not productive every day and I wasted lots of time"

Thank you for taking the time to ask such a poignant question.

FWIW you mold your life with a "goal" in mind, and along the way improvise when shit comes at you.

I never thought i would ever, ever make it this far...but somehow i just did. Keep your head about you, dont worry about the others and find the person that completes you if you need to.

And spite. Never let go of the spite that makes you outlive the assholes.

You could filter a lot of those using bing. Also try searching on forums related to death and morgues. You probably could try also on 4chan. There's suicide notes and photos (mostly censored) of the places were the "deletion" happened. I'm sure there's also compilations in other places but you need access to deep web stuff.

I don’t know about the notes, but I wanted to say that it takes time and effort to unlearn this idea that we are supposed to be productive all the time. This is a lie that many powerful people want us to internalize so we work ourselves to death, and it’s very insidious and omnipresent. It’s become a perverse “value” in our society at large and something to be proud of.

But you are not a machine. You’re a person. And that means you need and deserve rest and comfort.

You have inherent worth outside of your productivity, how hard you work, or how much money you make.

Those metrics don’t tell us anything about how you are as a person, your values, your kindness, your strengths, the joy you bring others.

ALL of that stuff has value. Real true value. You have to start challenging these beliefs about your worthiness. Because you are already worthy.

Some further reading/resources:

1. The Body Is Not An Apology
2. Rest is Resistance
3. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

even though i might indulge in activities that are pleasurable for me now, they add up to nothing

I know this isnt what you're asking for, but I have to wholeheartedly disagree with this (unless you're talking about drugs, wanking all day long, or something like that). Creating joy in your life isnt a bad thing and has long term benefits. It helps to overcome burnout and extreme fatigue, it gives you something to live for, it allows you a place to find what matters to you. It can help you be MORE productive tomorrow by letting yourself rest today.

Taking some time away from a problem, from studying, or from work lets your brain work through problems subconsciously that you can't grasp consciously.

It's like sleep. Sure, you can't be productive during sleep, but you still need it to survive and to take on the next day stronger.

Enjoying yourself isn't wasteful.

I don’t have an answer to your question, but suicide isn’t that simple.

Bad things can happen to people, and they would never consider suicide. Good things can happen to people, but they still commit suicide.

I don’t think people always know exactly why they’re suicidal. They might believe it’s because they didn’t get into the dream university or failing exams. It might be a triggering factor, but not the full story.

I don’t believe there’s a checklist of things to do and not to do. Why a person might end up in suicide is entirely personal.

The only place I've seen where this sort of thing was published was on reddit, though I can't seem to remember what subreddit it was. Maybe suicidewatch or unsentletters might have what you are looking for.

It may sound tacky but the actual conventional way of getting out of this dark place is to just be outside, with people. Turn off your computer, put down your phone, stop isolating yourself and just go out sightseeing somewhere (ideally with a group of people).

If you're in India you know the weather hasn't been better, it's the best time for a nice trek to Kodai or Ooty or Munnar or wherever.

Such a compilation is unlikely to be published. There’s a phenomenon known as the Werther effect, in that as soon as suicide is mentioned in the news or popular culture, the suicide rate goes up (presumably as the awareness of it tips those who have been on the verge). As such, news publications have guidelines to avoid mentioning suicide as a motivation (often, the only tell will be a footnote at the bottom of a story giving the phone number of a suicide hotline). If such a compilation came out, it could be expected to trigger a wave of suicides, if not a small but noticeable permanent increase in the frequency of suicide, so I imagine few publishers ok r booksellers would touch it.

Hey there, subject aside, I think you need to review what you truly think is important in your life. Based on this post you seem to feel a lot of pressure to succeed, but what success really means is up to you, not anyone else. I found the book "Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" to be helpful on this subject; as for the title it's not about not giving a fuck but choosing carefully what to give a fuck about. There's some interesting stories on this exact subject in there, e.g. did you know that Dave Mustaine largely considers his majorly successful music career a failure because he was kicked out of a band before starting Megadeth? The band he was kicked out of was Metallica, so he compares himself to them and robs himself of any joy.

There also is more than one path to a goal. Even when you feel like you've "failed" it just means you have to find another way.

Personally, I'd find a compilation of such notes a bit morbid and quite sad. So much wasted potential because people felt that they couldn't change, and we can all change if we want to. But it's a genuinely interesting concept. Maybe others find them motivational the way you do!

Try to spin this in a different direction. Someone once gave me a collection of nyt obituaries - all of the positive things that other people said about the lives of extraordinary people. That's reading message of hope and love and sorrow - and probably a much better influence on you than notes that would probably be rooted in despair.

I don't think it's only that people fail their goals. Society is structured for a specific type of person. If you aren't that person you're just left to drift while life moves on without you. For me personally it's that I've lived my life around people that don't let others live and be their best self out of tradition. I'm pretty confident when it comes to getting things done, but there's no point when you're shit on for existing and manipulated because your aren't like the other traditional people. Id rather KMS then fake who I am for money or manipulate another person for business. I'm still trying to find a path. But it's hard when you don't have a safety net of money or socially. Sometimes you have to leave everything behind and only keep the necessities to see what really makes life beautiful.

"Will power" is not a thing. All people are not the same. The "American dream" really is not accessable to everyone how it's traditionally laid out. Some people are lucky that that lifestyle fit their make up. Others a doomed to suffer if they try to keep up with that lifestyle? And if different for everyone. You can't raise every kid the same and most are unaware of how they can royally fuck a kids life up because they lack that understanding.

sounds like an interesting lemmy community. id subscribe