General Discussion

I understand. I'm not much for people either. Find groups that focus on in person activities that you enjoy. Find a girl that enjoys those same activities and you both can enjoy those activities together. In person not online, real relationships exist in the real world. Good luck to you.

You sound like you may have some schizoid qualities

I resonate with most of your post. I deleted and rewrote this 5 different ways because I simply just don't post on the internet, but I've been coming around to the possibility that I'm gay with maybe some demi or ace on the side. As another more eloquent commenter said, I'm not saying that this is the case for you, but it just put things into perspective for me that I may have been unaware of a dimension of myself even in my mid-30s. Hope you have a lovely day.

Also, I like your saying about how everything changes, and to stick it out for the next inevitable change. I added it to my growing mantra list.

Get platonic friends through a hobby, like D&D, online gaming, rock climbing, music, etc. Find something you can enjoy locally (ideally).

I was in a similar boat for a long time before finally realizing that I'm gay. Now I'm happily in a relationship with someone that I can't get enough of.

I'm not implying that you're gay, but instead suggesting that maybe you just haven't met the kind of person that fills your social meter instead of draining it. Other comments here on finding friends that match your hobbies are great ideas, and would be a great place to start. Friends can become the best lovers, can become the best life partners.

I'm curious. Is there anything you're passionate about like gaming, sci-fi, anime, etc.? If so, you could always try attending conventions once in a while. Maybe you'll find what you're looking for at one.

Being blunt here, but it seems like you like the idea of dating and relationships, but probably not the reality of them.

I would suggest a pair of guinea pigs.

Get a cat

You sound exactly like me. I'm neurodivergent and went to therapy and it's somewhat fixed my issues with anti-social behavior that you seem to have and depression which sounds like you also have.

Right, some advice from an allo person with an ace family member:

1. Dating and meeting people is hard, I'm sorry to say. Same as making friends, sometimes it just happens but most of the time it takes putting yourself out there in a meaningful and deliberate way.

2. Liking someone and being interested in dating them does not usually hit like a bolt from the blue. It often grows over a while. You'll often have to build a friendship with someone before you build a relationship.

3. If you find someone tiring and boring, don't date them. If you find everyone you meet boring and tiring after very little time then you have two options, either really challenge that preconception internally or consider whether you actually want to date.

If you want to date but aren't ready to actually put in the time and effort to get to know people then you are really going to struggle. Are you going to want to date someone long term when you don't even want to be connected to them for more than a few days?

There is also no guidebook, as much as it would be easier that way. People are individuals and dating requires you to see another as a person, not a puzzle to be solved. The only piece of advice that actually applies as a blanket is "be interested in them". You need to actually take an interest in who they are, what they do, how they feel. Ask the questions and listen to the answers.

Good luck, truly. Learning how to do friendship and relationship stuff is fucking hard. But getting interested in people is the most rewarding approach to take (at least in my experience, and that of my close friends).

Raising a kid, if that is what you mean by "raising a family" is a huge drain on anyone's social battery.

It's not so much the interaction with the little bugger, although that gets to be a huge drain when they reach puberty, but for me the other associated interactions deplete my battery instantly: P.e. Being forced to be polite to kid's friends parents, teachers, others that you normally would just ignore because, tbh, most are bigot dumb fucks. I'm really happy that I can delegate many of these chores to my partner, but their batteries are also not limitless.

You should probably check out how far you can go on other irl social interactions before you start a family, and please don't just do it because others seem to like having their own little happy thing, much of that haplyness is only outwards, and many just break apart catastrophically, which may often be the hardest on the kid involved.

Sounds like you want a roommate

You're only thinking about it from your own selfish perspective. Why the fuck would someone want to raise a family with someone who is aromantic and asexual. It’s obvious you both crave people and can’t stand them at the same time. That’s not a burden you should try to put on some one.

Instead of looking for people to date, look for people to be in your DND campaign.

Or else join the 501st legion or something like that.

Main point is that you don't focus on the dating stuff and instead focus on the social interactions.