this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2025
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Food Crimes - Offenses against nutrition

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Welcome to Food Crimes! This community is here to collect all and any post about cursed food and generally unusual consumables.

Right now, here’s the rules:

  1. Posts must include an image or video containing food or drink.
  2. It must be unusual or cursed in some way. a. For example, something like Doritos Milk would be unusual, but normal milk would not.
  3. No AI posts whatsoever, and any images that were altered (Ex: Photoshop, Gimp) need to be tagged.

How to tag: To tag your posts, please prepend or append the tag name inside square brackets. For example,[OC] Foo bar baz or foo bar baz [Meta] would be acceptable. Multiple tags will require separate pairs of brackets, like so: [Edited][OC] foo bar baz

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

What’s wrong babe you’ve hardly touched your spaghettiloaf.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

Who makes PLAIN spaghetti??? Is this person my 4 year old?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I wouldn't hesitate to cut me a slice and microwave it.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

Batter and breadcrumb your slice of congealed noodles, and pan fry it.

(If you want to make yet another food culture twitch, you can call this a kugel.)

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

Tcouple slices in the toaster to get nice and crispy, fill with Cheetos and ketchup, bone apple teeth

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I know enough people who break their spaghetti before cooking them or who cut them before serving them.

I die a little inside every time.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I die a little inside every time.

Why is that?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It goes against my culinary convictions. 😄

It is meant to be enjoyed in its full, long form - in my book. Breaking spaghetti changes the texture and how it twirls around a fork, thus changing the classic dining experience.

Plus, long spaghetti is (are?) perfect for catching the sauce evenly.

None of this will keep anyone from breaking them, but it keeps my world safe and sound. 😁

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Nah, i prefer to cut and mix them instead of that thwirling and slurping. They could make Spaghetti Couscous-sized for all i care. But you do you.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I die a little inside every time I hear a noodle slurped

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

I'm just gonna go ahead and say yes and not click the video lol. I can be incredibly sensitive to certain noises. Pretty sure I have misophonia

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (2 children)

i would do that. i may have already done that

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Me too. What are you supposed to do? Extra work?

Unfurl each strand slowly and carefully?

Soak in hot water and have slimey spaghetti?

Lick the entire bundle slowly till it warms up and unfurls?

Rest on bosom?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Package up a serving of spaghetti with a serving of sauce so you can throw it in the microwave and eat?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Unpossible! if you don't want to heat up or eat it all at once, Surely sauce is going to splash on your tuxedo...

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

Believe it or not, straight to jail.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

What's wrong babe? You haven't touched your spaghettiloaf.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

Since I am an eating monster (for some reason I need like 3200+ calories a day or my BMI goes underweight) and have a tiny fridge. This often ends up happening not on purpose when I store leftover portions.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I wonder if it would hold together well enough for a grilled cheese...

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

I think you could do it but you would have to move quick.

Slice the spaghettloaf into two slices, and spread mayo on one side of each slice. Keep the spaghettloaf in the fridge until youre ready to go.

You want a sizable pool of oil with a high smoke point - heat it up until it's nearly smoking, then quickly add 2 sliced spaghetti, mayoless side down. The first side in the oil will form the inside of your grilled cheese, let it sizzle until it starts to crisp, then flip, add your cheese and let both outsides sizzle a minute to gain structure.

Once both outsides have some rigidity, fold the sandwich together. Continue to flip & cook until desired color is reached.

Sprinkle with salt, pepper, fresh parsley, and a little parmesan cheese, and dip in your favorite marinara sauce.

Recipe can be made vegan with vegan cheese and mayo.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

You stopping progress must be stopped

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

I always mix the leftover pasta with the leftover sauce when I store it.

That doesn't prevent me from scooping out a portion this way, but at least the pasta isn't a brick.

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