Asklemmy

Get help

Have you never deconstructed it before? Like, close your eyes and imagine to yourself, what defines a relationship? What defines the kind of thing I want to be in a relationship with? And what can I offer for that?

A lot of people who seek relationships lack them because they're narrow about it, even just me mentioning I'm asexual has violated a lot of mens' visions unfortunately. People today have less of an imagination than they used to, that's the issue.

Couldn't even use different verbiage on his new account after getting banned everywhere lmao

Oh great. @[email protected] is back. Let's see how much attention we can draw to ourselves today, shall we?

tl;dr: deprogram millions of years of biological imperative

My wife and I happened to meet because each of us had a mutual friend that by chance brought us together. It all happened randomly. I say this because it was through friendships that we met. I never would have spoken to her if not for two completely unrelated friends bringing us to an event.

You gotta find yourself having fun with friends before you find a partner. I would wager that is a healthy way to go about things. Just get out and talk to some friends.

There must be a way to stop this feeling.

Been there. I'll keep it short. The way is to get professional help. Therapy and/or medication.

Since you have no job, first step is to get on whatever low/no income insurance is available to you locally.

Oh fuck off, I just realized this is that same attention whoring piece of shit @[email protected]

You're upset you got banned from all the asklemmy munis for posting so much "woe is me" crap aren't you? So now you've evaded your ban by creating a new account...

Listen, if you aren't going to accept anyone's advice, you are just wasting everyone's time by posting. Everyone has told you what you need to do. Seek therapy, stop being so down on yourself. Do literally anything to improve your situation instead of shitposting on Lemmy.

One: self reflection. Write your thoughts out regularly, reflect on them, this will enable you to self actualize.

Two: learn to enjoy your own company. Go to movies alone if you like, go on trips alone, do things you enjoy alone, and thoroughly enjoy them. Doesn't matter if it's a hobby or whatever or if you commit to it or not, the only requirement is that you enjoy it. Put your energy into things that make you happy.

If you're having trouble finding things you enjoy, I highly suggest therapy, but also exploration. Go out of your comfort zone and try things. But absolutely therapy because it may help you figure some things out that you didn't know were holding you back.

The more you enjoy your own company, the more confident you become. Confidence helps with your own happiness, it helps you understand what you deserve, it helps you meet people and make friends and build meaningful connections.

And when I say enjoy I mean actually enjoy, not just pretend to. You will know the difference as this is for you and not a performance for others.

Godspeed.

You need professional therapy, not "advice" from Lemmy

As someone who has friends before in a similar situation as you, you may have certain limitations or disabilities and the best option is, yes it's work but it's extremely gratifying is to go and find a good therapist that you can talk to to help understand yourself and your predicament.

That's my suggestion of the best course as you have potentially other underlying things you don't realize like severe codependency (from my experience from my friends I used to have, not saying you do)

If you simply just don't do anything nothing will change and it will get worse and worse.

(Just in case your hyper dependent with your parents) Just absolutely do something if you care about yourself at all. Your parent(s) will not be there forever, they can't sustain you forever.

Are you asexual? If not, you're going to have sexual attraction. Turning that off isn't going to happen. Now, you can have sex without being in a relationship. But, normally people do strive to have a romantic relationship and I doubt you can switch that off without some serious drugs.

I think many men that experience these feelings turn to anger. They blame society, women, other men, etc. They turn to toxic mentors who tell them how to be "alpha" and seek advice from "pick up artists". Do not do any of that.

Your attitude sounds like depression. You have given up. You say you aren't reliable or an "adult". Do you want to be those things? Or do you want to be miserable that you're not those things? Those seem to be your options.

Being miserable is easy. Just do nothing. Be lazy. Have regret.

Being the person you want to be is hard. It is for most people. Most of us are in some stage of trying to be better people.

"Either experience the pain of progress or the pain of regret".

Being miserable can be comfortable if that's what you're use to doing. It's your safe space. Other things are foreign, strange, and scary.

You'll have to work really hard to break that cycle. Your mind will be screaming at you to stop trying to better yourself. "There's no point!"... " "Just give up and go back to bed!"...

You'll have to work to reject those thoughts and demonstrate to yourself that you can. And eventually, you'll notice it won't be as hard or scary.

So, make a plan and start with small things.

Or continue to give up and feel miserable.

honestly I don't like anything or i give up on everything. I don't wanna try new things anymore.

That sounds an awful lot like depression. That's nothing to do with being in a relationship or not; it's not healthy to not be able to enjoy anything or take interest in anything. Forget about the relationship stuff. You can be and deserve to be happy without one. You need to address the other stuff first.

Please get therapy. I started a few years ago and I went from autistic virgin in his late 20s who had never been on a single date to guy with a girlfriend. It's never too late if you are willing to put work into yourself.

Also, even if you can't afford therapy, at least read "The Six Pillars Of Self Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. Just skip all the parts where he talks about Ayn Rand. And do the homework at the back of the book every day if you can, once you finish reading it. That book was maybe the thing that made the biggest difference for me in changing my attitude about finding a relationship.

For me, it always faded with time. Usually about a year and a half after my last relationship ended.

Maybe try travel? Bring your laptop / deck / switch so you can game on the road. But do it from some place new. If you can work from home, maybe try moving around on short term rentals. Doesn't need to be anything exotic, could be the next town over.

Anything to break up your routine a bit. Don't look at it as a means to an end. Try and enjoy the journey itself