You open your mouth, and words come out. It's pretty much the same process as for cis folk...
Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
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Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
I don't worry too much about that when meeting new people. The thing I'm afraid of is misgendering people I've known for a very long time. I want very much to use the correct name and pronoun but the ones I've known them by for the past decade or whatever sometimes slip past the filter.
Edit: and since these are longstanding relationships, I'm more concerned with their feelings than I would be a stranger.
Back when I thought I was cis (trans femme now ❤️) it came down to really wanting to respect the person I was talking to or about and really wanting to be a safe space for them.
Not sure if that is something for everyone, but at least for me it was important to try and convey my support in small ways like that and generally giving the person the space to explore their name/pronouns.
When I meet a trans person I PANIC. I kick and shriek like an angry baby, as my illusory straights-only world crumbles around my ears. Wait, are those cat ears?? Oh no, it's already too late, my transformation into a queer cat-boi is already complete. Then I go home and make a sandwich. Not a big deal, really
If I'm not sure, I either just use their first name, ask for pronouns, or use gender neutral pronouns. It's not difficult.
I had an interaction today at work where I discussed a technical issue of a user of unclear pronouns and my coworker said "I think she(?) needs to...." and the question mark struck me as being very unkind. Never do that. Just use "they" or first names in those situations.
I always apologize if I make an honest mistake, just to show the person that I intend to speak to them in good faith.