I'm glad he finally got to speak his truth, even if it was in death. I hope his family members read that and do some serious self-reflection.
this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2024
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I have a family member who had to move back home in the mid 80’s, come out to their family (on a farm in rural NC), & ask for help because they had been diagnosed with HIV & couldn’t afford the medication.
Just the strength it took to return home, knowing the shame that was sure to follow, showed me I could come out to that same family.
Really hope this obit can help some of his family members accept themselves & find a better way forward.
A singer where I'm from did pretty much the same thing, it was an open secret in the industry but it's only when he died that it was finally discussed that he was gay and had been with the same man for 25 years (and married him just a few days before passing).
Wasn’t that Barry Manilow?
Michel Louvain in Quebec (which is funny because he wrote songs that were mostly popular with women), but it must have happened many times.
Wow, reading that article, you really get a sense for what a positive impact he had on the world. Such a shame he couldn’t comfortably live the life he deserved.
This has made me feel a surprisingly deep sadness.
It sounds like he at least lived life the way he wanted to. Sucks that his partner died, but it’s not like he didnt go after what he wanted, fall in love, etc. yes, he hid it, but he still had it
I’m so glad he did.
I knew two openly gay men when I was growing up. Only two. The world was so unkind to them for so long. They were the butt of every joke. I knew their names before I knew them.
The one man had the double whammy of being black and gay in a rural coal mining town. He was a teacher, and he had to deal with parents fighting to have their kids taken out of his class every year, afraid the “spirit” would get in their kids.
About 10 years ago I was at my lowest point. A drug addict without a dime to my name. My car broke down, so I borrowed my mom’s car. It broke down the first day. This man heard me crying to my mom on the phone at her job and asked to speak to me. He said, “You get you a ride down here and I’ll let you use my van. You keep it as long as you need it.”
I drove his giant Ford van around for more than 4 months. It was so badass, had the old CRT and N64 ports in the back. I put a console in there for him and gave him a pile of games. He was always hauling the local poor folks around to the grocery store and appointments and things. Every time I seen him after that he had folks playing Mario Kart in the van haha.
Everyone had comments too. “Ooooh. What did you do to get that van?” I’d always fire back, “let me drive your car and I’ll show you.” Haha
Terrible.
It does say he had a partner for 25 years before he passed away. I guess the solace is he did get to live his life, just not openly.
he had a partner for 25 years
"They were roommates"
What's funny is my mom really does live with her best friend as housemates now that my dad is dead and it really is just a friendship and they hate it when people think they're in a relationship. Especially when my mom mostly stays downstairs and her friend mostly stays upstairs and they generally just share the kitchen and dog walking duties.
my mom mostly stays downstairs and her friend mostly stays upstairs
So you're saying your mom is a bottom? /s
I really don't want to pry. And here's why- Once, I said to my wife that it looks like people are giving someone a blowjob when they start to eat a banana and my mom walked into the room and said, "what's so bad about that?" And she was in her 70s then. I definitely don't want to know about my mother's sexual proclivities now that she's 82.
Ick.
Maybe she ws going to queue up some George Carlin jokes about 'cocksucker' changing from being an awesome person to a terrible person.
I think she was just saying, based on the novels she now writes, that she enjoys giving blowjobs.
I just didn't need to know that about my mother.
Oh dear. She's a smut novelist. Well hopefully you are supportive and add her books to your library. 😄
I would absolutely cringe if my mom brought that up but I think that is largely because that is not something my parents really ever talked about. My wife had the opposite experience where she and her mother were fine talking about it growing up.
Her novels have some smutty parts. She's mostly a novelist who writes really dark stuff though.
My ex mom and best friend being living together for over 20 years and they are also just friends.
That was my takeaway too. That and “whoa, you can write your own obituary?”
Just have to do it ahead of time!
Is that like a solid rule? I'm not sure how I'll feel about everything after I die.
Truly a tragedy when people cannot live their lives because of fear.
i came out at almost 30 and i will regret waiting that long for the rest of my life; but seeing people live with the entirety of their lives in the closet is heart breaking because it defines a life of seclusion due to fear at the same time when teenagers and 20-somethings are coming out and living their lives as they truly are.
This is the part I try so hard to communicate to bigots when they go on about how gayness is just in fashion these days.
I’ll pass them this article. That straight world they remember so fondly existed because they pushed men like this into the closet with their bigotry.
They’ll probably say something like, “Well they flaunt it and shove it in my face now.”
I wish the world would just be cool.