this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2023
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[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

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I just imagined a world where for 10 years I told my child I loved them and then for them to within less than a year, stop responding and then actively shame you for doing so.

Fuck, I really wish my parents humanised themselves a bit more when I was younger. It took me far too long to rationalise that adults weren't different from me.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I just imagined a world where for 10 years I told my child I loved them and then for them to within less than a year, stop responding and then actively shame you for doing so.

Whenever I hear a single-sentence story about how a parent did nothing but love their child and the child decided to drop contact out of nowhere, I always wonder what context has been withheld.

The Missing Missing Reasons

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This was a good read, thanks. I've known so many people who have separated from their parents, and every single one of them has a good reason. I've often wondered how the parents tell it from their side. I'm sure every single one of them was "loving" and "nurturing" by their own account, even the dad who couldn't accept that his son was gay, or the parents who perpetually and deliberately misgendered their daughter. I've known so many such cases, and sadly some have ended in tragedy.

Me, I've had good parents, but I have a brother who's an abusive asshole who I want nothing to do with, and occassionally I get the "he's your brother, you've got to love him" schtick from third parties. No. I really don't.

No one is obligated to stay connected with family who are hurtful, especially when it's the parents who were the ones who chose to bring you into this world. It's massively unfair for people to expect that we just tolerate, even love, abusive family.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm sorry about your brother. I more than advocate cutting out abusive family members. I've found that those who advocate keeping in contact with said people have never dealt with shitty family members themselves.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago

Thank you. I think you're right. It must be so nice to be able to have a family one can love.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Reminds me of the quote:

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

The older I get, the more I empathise with teenagers. It's far and away the most difficult era of your life.

You'll have incredible pressure to not ruin the entire rest of your life, you'll be constantly told to make decisions that will have a massive impact on your future (with little help or course correcting, I hope your three years of interest in that one subject lasts a lifetime).

your body starts mutating like a slow version of an American Werewolf in London, you're thrown into a school that often resembles something out of Lord of the Flies, and adults aren't there to support you, they just want you to be that 8 year old innocent child or a full blown adult with no inbetweens.