this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2023
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depression_now!

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A sad place for sad people to be sad.

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This community is for people with depression. Memes and general discussion about depression are encouraged and welcome.

Bi-polar people are also allowed to post here but only sometimes.(joke)

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Therapy is not for everyone, check out peer counseling instead: https://www.americanmentalwellness.org/intervention/peer-support/

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It was my fault for thinking any of it was real (lemmy.world)
submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (2 children)

As someone who has worked at the same job for 17 years now and had my original boss fired a week ago this hits hard... after that amount of time I really have no idea what to do now and it's super weird not having them around, or anyone for that matter, to provide direction.

To clarify he was not a bad worker, or did anything wrong outside of being there to long with a higher end job that the company felt wasn't needed despite not really understanding that he did a lot more than his title suggested because that's what happens when your there over 25 years. The company has been doing terrible for the last few years and has suffered a lot of layoffs... I talked to him a bunch after but I definitely feel like I won't really talk much going forward since our biggest thing in common was that we worked together.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago

It is a really good idea to stay in contact and stay friends.

OP is in a slightly different position since they’re the one who got laid off. They feel uncomfortable reaching out and might feel that way until they move on to the next stage of their career. By reversing roles, you can see how much they would like their former coworkers to reach out socially.

You reach the point in your career where submitting a resume for a job isn’t how it’s done. It’s networking - people who know you and whom you know - that land the position. It’s because resumes and CVs are only useful for people who have no direct experience of who you are and how you work. A piece of paper can’t begin to cover the amount of information that personal knowledge entails.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago

Most of my adult friends are former co-workers. A couple were formerly my boss, and I've since even been a boss of one of them years after.

I talked to him a bunch after but I definitely feel like I won’t really talk much going forward since our biggest thing in common was that we worked together.

Your prior relationship was a working one with a superior and subordinate role. You see you relationship at an end because those circumstances are. You have a chance now to recast your relationship as peers. Your old boss may not be up for it, and thats fine, but if you value them let them tell you instead of deciding for them.

If you have a shared non-work topic (following sports or playing video games, etc), ask if they want to meet for lunch to talk about the non-work topic. Its okay, at lunch, if you end up talking shop about your industry, or even about your former share employer, but set the stage that your interest in talking to them has nothing to do with them being your former boss.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I moved around a lot as a kid. One thing you learn pretty quickly, is to make clean breaks.

Sure you can try to stay friends, but once you've moved away, those friendships will inevitably fade. Those friendships were real, but they existed in a particular context. You bonded over work stuff. You talked about work stuff. You're no longer a part of that context, so they've ended. 99% of the time you can only delay the inevitable.

That doesn't mean the friendship wasn't real. It just means that it didn't last. That's life.

Join a club, volunteer, make new friends.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago

This is honest and comforting. Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Unless you became friends outside of work hours, it's better to cut off contact once the job is done.
The connection is made in relation to that work, so there is no meaning in maintaining it once you've moved on to something else.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

....

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Dont take it personally in my experience its a combination of 2 things.

  1. They dont want to remind you that you got laid off. If you're doing it tough they dont want to be like "hey man, we had some good times back when you had a job remember?"

  2. You are a very real reminder that the same thing could happen to them. Even if you landed on your feet, they might not.

That combined means that reaching out and catching up is just kinda scary. I had an amazing night at a bar with an old work bestie when we bumped into each other a few months after he got sacked.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That's fair the survivor's guilt is probably real. I think I've been really stuck in my own head about my feelings and situation I've been struggling with that understanding.

I think I need to think about this. Thank you for your perspective.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Did you guys hang outside of work?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yeah quite a bit: gaming and going to bars and shows. I felt like I got pretty close to the people I worked with, not unprofessionally or party animal but just an ear and a shoulder.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago

After a bit of a cool off period I would reach out to one of them. Ask if they want to get a beer or something, I’ve left jobs that I had friends at. Some of them, it turns out, were really just work friends, but some of them were just waiting to see if I wanted to reconnect and were happy to hang