this post was submitted on 05 Jun 2024
644 points (98.3% liked)

Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

Everytime I get into a fight I aways tell myself 'I would've fucked him up if he was a child.'

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago

A lot of people don't know this, but swans make great floatation devices.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (4 children)

I don't get it. Just grab em by the neck and go plap plap plap.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

judging by the wetsuit, i assume he was in the water when he attacked the swan. swans can be very deadly in water...

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

It was probably an urban swan. They grow up tougher; living on the street, dealing with gang life, dancing the ballet.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

plap plap plap

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I‘m not entirely sure, but I think a swan can break bones by hitting with its wings. So it might be not as easy as grabbing the neck

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

Swans bones are less strong and dense that yours unless you've got osteoporosis or maybe are, like, two. Think the whole thing about a swan breaking a bone is pretty much urban myth - I remember looking for a single reported instance of it happening once and giving up after an hour or so

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Good old "I could beat a bear in a fight, I've watched a bunch of youtube" internet argument

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I grew up on a farm and this was the ultimate defense against geese.

They are much lighter than you, so if you can get them off the ground (neck or feet ideally) they can't do anything

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Swans are freaking big, especially the males, so this would not work as well as with geese. Swans don't fuck around.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

If a bear was the size of a swan and had a long, easily wrung neck then yeah this would compare.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 5 months ago

Swans are fucking berserk. I got attacked by one once and wouldn't survive if it wasn't a kid.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago

Damn children attacking innocent swimmers just minding their own business! I'd do the same as this guy if it happened to me!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Is he saying a child wouldn’t have survived against the swan or that he himself could easily kill a child?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

I believe child would not have surviver offence nor defence

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 73 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

it's 2024, let's drop jpg already... Both thatsthejoke.exr and thatsthejoke.jpegxl can have several layers, as well as better punch thanks to higher bit depth

[–] [email protected] 46 points 5 months ago

Lol, this has clearly been translated from Dutch in its entirety - the title, the snippet of the article and the tweet.