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Don't lie that you're 25. In my experience, there are 2 ways to handle stupid questions you don't wanna answer.
yeah, 40 and unmarried. I’m so lonely. I scream and cry myself to sleep every night. I drink 5 gallons of vodka just to make it thru a shift.
I imagine myself using your answers with my coworkers, who are gossips and they replying how rude I am, feeling outraged and refusing to help me with my job.
The thing is, I'd use this answer with people that separate their private life from their jobs, but where I am, and in nursing in general, this doesn't happen. And if they don't separate both things, then they stop helping all together when they perceive you as unfriendly, meaning I have to work more.
I guess the price I pay for their help is faking interest in their lives.
I need to work somewhere else, don't I?
I had to dye my hair and take all my graduation dates off my resume just to get an interview, let alone getting hired. My hair was gray since my early 30's.
OP, age is a number it doesn't matter. I've seen 25/30 year olds with back problems, and I've seen 40/50 year olds who have never had back problems. Everyone is different. Don't think that because they think you're 25, that you can't complain "because a 25yo wouldn't complain".... A 25yo can and should complain if their back hurts. Your physical condition might deteriorate with age, but bluntly, that looks different for everyone. For some it takes longer, for others it happens much sooner.
Do what you need to do to make sure you can take care of yourself.
Next time your age comes up, just say, "you really believed I was 25?! Haha, that's great!"
How can you be in your 40s and this avoidant?
bullying
Fair point.
Counterpoint: have you ever considered just not having trauma?
/s
do you understand that this is an emotional response and it's kinda off to ask a person not to have trauma? do you think people like being bullied?
I put the /s there because I was in no way serious.
Please understand, I am on your side here.
everything's good, I didn't understand your /s
Why does being 40 somehow mean they need to change?
Because by 40, most people are past these kinds of shenanigans.
I didn't realize that I should be over bad things that have happened to me simply because I've reached x age.
Phenomenal, it's just that easy! Just don't have trauma, why didn't I think of that?
First, you're not OP, so I can only imagine that you're taking something personally that has nothing to do with you.
Second, nothing in this post mentioned trauma. Being harassed by invasive questions isn't trauma, it's just humans trying to be social.
Third, if instead of working on your trauma you're trolling internet discussions and inserting yourself whenever you think you can successfully play the victim, you do not have my sympathy.
bullying
This is OP's response. You're not the first person on Lemmy that seems to think it's impossible to read other people's comments.
Idk about OP, but I don't tell people my age, nor do I tell them what day of the year my birthday is.
I also never divulge my middle name.
This is all personal information, which I do not willingly share.
I've never really had a problem. Nobody knows, and they don't need to know.
OP can do whatever they want with their own private information, which is none of anyone's business.
I’ve never really had a problem.
then my coworkers are all busybodies who don't know what boundaries are.
Still, answering 'how old are you' with 'none of your business' seems overkill. I just want them to leave me alone.
Busybodies are definitely the problem. When someone directly asks me about my age I just kind of silently and blankly stare at them until they stop asking.
Bluntly, I'm here to work because that's how I make money which I need to survive. You're my co-workers, not my friends. I'll be friendly, but let's keep discussions work-related. My age, is not an important piece of information for anyone to do their job. My birthday is the same.
People tend to guess, but they're met with the same silence and blank stare. If they start asking why I'm not answering, I just tell them that I'm not willing to discuss my personal information.
If they can't respect my boundaries, that seems like a "them" problem. If try to make their problem into my problem, then it will become HR's problem.
Personally, I don't work in highly social environments anymore (I work in tech, almost entirely remote work), so generally I don't have a lot of opportunities to have small talk with my co-workers. I'm fortunate like that right now. Previously, I would mainly deal with it by exercising my constitutionally protected right to silence. It's amazing how effective it can be to give someone zero reaction to their question. You didn't say no, nor give them a reason, nor did you give them an answer. It weirds them right out.
Now, I'll add the caveat that I do not give any shits about what people think of my beyond my professional capabilities. I think the only times I've given a reaction to it is when someone asked why I wouldn't entertain the questions about my age and birthday, and my go-to reply is that "I'm a very private person". I don't talk about family, friends, dating/love life, personal finances, the things I own, where I live.... (It's a long list) When I'm working. The only other topic I try to avoid at work is politics, since it's so universally polarizing. Discussions about literally anything else, totally cool. My personal life and politics? I'll be over there points working. Tyvm.
ace
Setup an accident that gets you sick or spills something on you, and oh no turns out it accelerates aging!
Now your body is actually 43 even though you're 25.
I guess it doesn't help you to say it now, but this was a terrible way to deal with a slight nuisance from what has to be a small group of stupid people. This has the potential to cause far greater intrusion and judgement from your coworkers than your lack of marriage and kids ever would have done, and this especially with a crowd that love gossip. You've potentially handed them the juiciest gossip they'll likely ever get and given how dull the workplace can be, they'll be milking it for years if they find out.
I think you're pretty much in it for the long haul now, which will take work to maintain, and also depending on how long you work at this place with these guys, you better hope your unusually youthful appearance stays at a consistent 18 years behind your real age and doesn't hit a sudden inflection point where it suddenly all catches up because that'll be tough to account for.
actually I don't agree.
To me this is deflection: they ask me something I don't want to answer, I lie to them and try to stay away from them: I don't disclose anything about me, they don't feel offended, don't start drama and leave me alone.
Gossips are gonna gossip no matter what I say, they need it, so I'd better disclose false information so they can attack me the least.
My strategy if they ask me again about my age if they suspect I lied to them or if they hear from other gossips my real age: lie again or say a ludicrous number. If they keep pestering me, remind them to go to work and go to work.
Sometimes I think I should work somewhere else.
Learn to laugh in people's faces.
"Why aren't you married?"
Laugh and walk away saying "rude"
You say you didn't give them ammunition, but IMO you've done exactly that by giving them this weird "power" to make you feel like you should hide your true age or apologize for anything.
"Why aren't you married?" "I haven't met anybody worth making that kind of commitment to."
"Why didn't you have kids?" "Because I don't want any (at this point)."
Live your life according to your own schedule and speak your actual truth.
Live your life according to your own schedule and speak your actual truth.
Last time I tried this approach they made me feel like shit and bullied me.
The former coworkers who pestered you are jerks. Not everyone will react like that.
Deleted
Only being old is a protected class.
Being 40 means you're a part of that class, even if your coworkers think you're 25.
You need to get some gray hair dye. Apply only a little, where people's hair mostly starts to go grey, and then come in to one of your shifts. When the first person comments on it, act surprised and say "the witches curse was real! She said I would lost 13 years for encroaching on her house in the woods!" This way, you will get even more sympathy for being older. Your youth was stolen from you.
I like this one.
..... hummmm. So I'm NOT doing enough which blaming.....
I got double-carded at concerts until I grew facial hair. I wasn't even 21 yet so idk what their deal was. Anyway, try to grow a beard and mustache, that helped me
My homie. If you're doing nursing, you're retiring with a bad back. Probably knees too. Doing patient care is hell on your body, no matter how light you go now.
So, yeah, see if you can get a doctor to recommend light duty to preserve what you have left, and the next time someone asks your age, tell them whatever because nobody is actually going to take it easy on you until you're damn near retirement anyway.