this post was submitted on 29 May 2024

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Therapists are blaming polyamory for patients' problems. These researchers want to change that. (www.lgbtqnation.com)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Bullshit bullshit bullshit. My parents were traditional and fucked up all three of their kids. We don't need new scapegoats. We need a better society.

To be fair, they loved us and provided for us and had the best of intentions and still fucked us up by being dysfunctional both on their own and in their relationship.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

poly people are just as fucked up as anyone else. poly isn't a solution for anything. it isn't better than anything.

it's just another stupid choice like all the other stupid choices.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Well said.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

News flash: psychologists are people and most people can’t hide their personal biases even if they know they should.

I’ve known several who did just this: judge patients.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Therapists have a wide variety of personal beliefs and professional opinions. They're people just like anyone else in any other field.

Unfortunately even well-meaning therapists can do a lot of harm when they forget to take a non-judgmental stance and just be curious about their clients.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Don't forget that therapists fall under multiple different educations that have a different origin and therefore different values. Psychologist, social workers, counselor and licensed marriage and family therapists all perform therapy and different educations with different emphasis. So depending on who you see this will have an affect as well.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

Yeah this is a thing. As a poly person myself, some therapists cannot fathom the idea that your poly relationship is even remotely stable, fulfilling, healthy, etc. It's wild.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I think both approaches seem to be driven by generalization based on personal ideology. The truth is that for some people open relationships are traumatizing and toxic, while for others they are just what they need to be happy, then there are also people who can enjoy poly and mono forms of relationships. There is no general rule, it simply depends on individual preference.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I know a poly group where it ended horribly and people hate each other and friends have been turned against each other as well. I know a poly group which is still going strong and multiple kids are being raised.

So I guess it's like any other type of romantic entanglement.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

bingo.

some poly folks are shitty people, some are not.

the issue is when poly people think their polygamy makes them superior, because this is the red flag that shows you they are covering something up.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I know my local bdsm/kink community has a list of kink friendly professionals (all sorts of professions, including psych), maybe you have something similar

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Same list tbh, at least in my experience as a polyamorous leatherwoman

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Which therapists? Both therapist and my partner's are very open to it.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago

I’m afraid that personal experience has taught me that you can’t trust most therapists because they will judge you.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Generalisation or fear on my part perhaps, but I imagine a large percentage are those who are coming from a religious background. I've often wished I could filter them out when searching for therapists.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

When I was looking for a therapist, that was a huge struggle for me too. Even some of the providers under the LGBTQ+ filters were proudly religious, a few proudly displaying their degrees from religious institutions.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Not all therapists are sadly.

I ran a training for therapists on alternate relationship structures, most had never heard of polyamory, most felt it meant something had gone wrong for people to be in that situation.

Personally, I think all the things which can make polyamorus relationships difficult also exist in monogamous relationships.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

That's a bummer, I guess we're lucky in that regard. I completely agree that the same difficulties exist in both.