Have you ever sat down with a mental health professional and talked through your frustrations? Not that it's a cure-all, plenty of people have mental health services and all struggle.
I have severe ADHD undiagnosed into my mid 30's. I completely failed out of every school I had ever been to, but was extremely good at retaining the information and testing. While having an effective GPA of close to 0, I scored in the top 5% of standardized testing, including receiving scores on an optional set of exams that my state put on (Golden State exams) which put me in the top 5% of takers in my school and would have earned me a special seal on the diploma I didn't earn.
The world outside of school was much kinder and I am fairly successful despite having these issues which are only now getting addressed in my 40s.
You seem to have both these issues with expectation not being met, and a lot of people are engaging with you and having a hard time identifying with your very real set of circumstances.
That doesn't mean your issues aren't valid, they clearly are and are clearly a burden on your life, but is the problem you are having more how you relate to the world, not how the world is relating to you.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, you appear to be intelligent and effective at what you do, but a lot of these systems weren't designed for people who are neurodivergent, period.