this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2024
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I love all the ritualized behaviour, secret meanings and unexpected taboos - standing up when someone of higher status stands, elaborate rules for serving and eating, tapping the table to thank the server, never refuse a toast from a superior, stuff like that.

Whether it's about meals or anything else, I'd love to hear about any uncommon politeness standard or similar social behaviour that goes on in your location, culture or restaurant!

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago

In Denmark pedestrians will politely wait for green light even if there's nobody around.

It makes sense if you're teaching your child to walk safely, but otherwise it's just a tradition of doing things proper. It's so ingrained that police could probably stop a criminal on the run simply by following them until they hit a red light.

Also, never walk on the bicycle lane. That's taboo.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

Etiquette is one of the things that really annoys-to-infuriates me. Especially if someone gets offended over me not following it. I just can’t be bothered thinking about arbitrary rules without any good merit behind them.

Now I am not talking common sense things where a behaviour might normally be considered offensive, but things like β€œ a man is supposed to verbally greet a woman first, while a handshake should be initiated by the woman if she wishes”.

Ive actually had this exact exchange with a superior (by standing, I wasnt actually working with/under them at the time):

Me: quietly walking past a superior about 2h after I have areived at work

Them, visibly and audibly annoyed: So I guess you dont greet people?

I just said good morning and said I don’t really keep track of who I have already met that day. But like come on, where is the disrespect if not projected from your own head?

I also hate the custom of wishing someone a good meal / good appetite. Like if it is 1x when everyone sits down, whatever, ill begrudgingly follow, but I cant be bothered to do it at work every 2 mins when someone new walks into the kitchen.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

For those who are truly into etiquette, we understand that it is a gift we give to others and hope they will choose to return in kind. It is actually extremely poor etiquette to point out the missteps of others. The superior you unfortunately had to deal with was an asshole. Being an asshole is pretty much never appropriate.

I stand to greet others because it shows them respect and maybe because I am a little old fashioned. I take off my hat in private spaces for the same reason. I also know enough etiquette to know that modern hat customs have been modified because they are more of a fashion piece now than a protective garment. Hats have different rules when their primary purpose is to be an accessory.

Do you know what I do when someone gets etiquette "wrong?" Nothing! It is rude to police others. The most someone should do is to gently steer others away from a faux pas if it would likely cause them embarrassment or future difficulty.

I think what I really want to write is that I am sorry etiquette has been used as a social bludgeon against you. Good etiquette should feel seamless and unobtrusive. Formality can be lovely, and instead it has been a bad experience for you. That sucks.

Edit to add: I am really talking about classic English/American etiquette. I am in no place to comment on things like the etiquette in many Asian nations. I know some of the customs, but little of the nuance that goes into them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

For those who are truly into etiquette, we understand that it is a gift we give to others and hope they will choose to return in kind.

What well-wrought words!

I feel like there's a picture of etiquette where it's always stuffy and exists only to reinforce unjust hierarchies. Etiquette as a gift given freely with hope but no expectation of return is a great alternate model.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

It's essentially a shibboleth, a way to confirm that you're in the "inner circle". Tribalism is still one of the strongest force in social science it seems, even if we start with lots of identical people they'll try to differentiate and discriminate between each other.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 6 months ago (3 children)

One of the many things I loved about Taiwan was that people leave the left side of the escalator free for those who want to walk up or down.

There's one single file line of people standing on the escalator. Even during the evening commute, there's a single file line snaking back down into the station. But then as you get close there's a much smaller line to the left moving much quicker of every who plans to walk up.

It's so civilized.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Sub-protocol here....you can walk on the right but don't stand on the left. Kind of like the fast and slow lanes on the road.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Pretty standard in the London Underground too, despite technically being way more inefficient than if everyone just stood two people on each step!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It's not more efficient in how people want to get there. The people who stand and ride the escalator have no rush to get there quicker so they get there on time. The people who want/need to go faster get there as fast as possible. In your scenario everyone MUST be slow, no? What am I missing here?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

True, that was the "technically" part. If it's rush hour and everyone is standing on all the steps on the right and everyone is walking as fast as they can on the left then the overall rate of people is less than if everyone was standing more densely. At quieter times then the people who need to rush can get there faster because they don't need to stop at the beginning while they wait to get on.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 months ago (2 children)

That's pretty common for anywhere with subways. Unfortunately there's no international standard on which side is the correct one to stand on.

It's mostly "stand on right", but not everywhere, not even within the same country. (UK and Japan uses both).

As a tourist, please look for the signs.

Stand on right, walk on left : London, Berlin, New York, Copenhagen, Osaka

Stand on left, walk on right : Tokyo, Sydney, Edinburgh

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Big in Washington, DC too. Stand right.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Chicago subway system would like to have a word with you

[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 months ago (2 children)

We don't have tipping culture but praising the meal to the waiter is considered polite at the end of the meal.

This only applies to the elderly generation but they tend to put "quite" at the start of any praise.

So, saying food is "quite good" is actually higher praise than "good". But to people not from here it sounds like the opposite.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

They say English isn't a tonal language but the way you pronounce the word "quite" can change it from being 'unexpectedly good' to 'barely passable'

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

"How's it goin?" "Not too bad!"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

"Not too bad..."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Over here, tips are usually only given to:

  • Round up (lots of cash payments still) and avoid small change.
  • Genuinely give a tip for an above-the-usual service. Which also means that in reverse, the default is no tips. Granted, people aren't being paid a slave wage here.
[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

The rounding up would make sense.

I don't think I have paid cash in a restaurant here in this century. In this part of the world the debit card system took hold quite early.

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